“Do not lie to one another,
seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices
and have put on the new self,
which is being renewed in knowledge
after the image of its creator.”
Colossians 3:9 and 10

My resurrection journey has been a journey of ongoing transformation by continually putting on my new self. 

A friend once said to me, Sue, stop being so hard on yourself. One area I tended to be hard on myself was in my doubts. I too often identified with the father of the of the young boy with the unclean spirit in Mark 9. In his desperation the father pleads with Jesus to heal his son. You hear his heart in his words, if you can do anything … have compassion … help us. Mark 9:22.

The man’s belief and his doubt coexisted and collided. He was human. He was honest. I get that. I’m glad in his honest humility, belief won out. “I believe, help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24. Jesus healed his son.

Like the father in Mark 9, I have doubts.
Like the father, I’m growing in faith.
Both can coexist and collide

I am hard on myself when I let my feelings run wild, override truth, and corrupt my beliefs. D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones said, “Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself.”

The disciples struggled as well. When Jesus appeared to them after the resurrection, he said, “These are my words that I spoke to you … He opened their minds to understand the scriptures … Thus it is written …” Luke 24: 44, 45, 46 (Italics mine). Jesus was reminding the disciples to remember and to trust what they’ve seen and heard.

I believe in the resurrection. I always have. I love celebrating it every Easter. The resurrection is the key to the gospel! Without the resurrection, there is no life!

And like those first disciples, I need to continually remind myself of what Jesus has said, of the scriptures, of what was written. I need to remind myself of gospel truth.

Paul Tripp said it this way, “No-one is more influential in your life than you are, because no-one talks to you more than you do.”

In my humanity, I can often listen to my doubts instead of talking truth to myself. God reminds me of my need to listen to him, to listen to and trust truth. “It is impossible for God to lie,” Hebrews 6:18.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing,
so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Romans 15:13

The scriptures are full of promises, of hope. God has offered us the privilege of trust.

I’m experiencing new peace, new joy, new hope, and a new steadfast anchor for my soul. I’m listening to and trusting the truth recorded for me, for us.

“The Resurrection is the victory of love.”
Pope Francis

One of my favorite Easter songs is Rise My Soul; The Lord is Risen. You might want to check it out.

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, April 2025

 

 

Similarities and differences.

“‘Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.'”
John 11:32 (italics mine)

Mary’s first words to Jesus are the same as her sisters Martha’s first words (verse 21), if only you had been here …

The tone behind their words elicited different responses.
Their hearts communicated.
And they received a response in line with their hearts.

With Martha, Jesus reminded her of truth. With Mary, Jesus wept.

Mary and Martha responded similarly when Jesus visited them previously as recorded in Luke 10:38-42. After welcoming Jesus into their home, Martha is distracted by preparations for the dinner. She is annoyed that Mary, who sits at Jesus’s feet to listen to him, isn’t helping with the meal. “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” Luke 10: 40, NLT.

In both narratives, Mary is at Jesus’s feet. “Mary sat at the Lord’s feet, listening …” Luke 10:39. John 11:32 records, “When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet …”

Mary honored who Jesus was. I imagine her sitting and listening grew her trust in Jesus. It set a precedent that helped her respond appropriately when Jesus visited on the occasion of Lazarus’s death.

With both sisters, Jesus met them where they were. Martha needed to be reminded of truth; Mary needed the softness and the kindness of Jesus.

How has Jesus met me where I am? How have I experienced resurrection?

At church that evening, Jesus knew I would respond to the message of the singers. I heard the gospel and responded, new life, resurrection.

A few years later, Jesus met me with the truth from the Word; Romans 15:5 & 6 set a new path for me, resurrection.

Several years later, Jesus met me in the hard of my reality. My path was a three year wait. It felt like a Friday, but resurrection was coming.

Jesus met me through my tears and the guidance of counselors helping me to understand my identity, resurrection.

Jesus continues to meet me as I practice being a “Mary” sitting and listening at his feet, resurrection.

What have your resurrections looked like?
How have you experienced Jesus meeting you?

May this Resurrection Sunday remind, encourage, and bless you.

He is Risen! He is Risen, Indeed!

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, April 2025

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lazarus, the brother of Mary and Martha is very sick. Mary, Martha, Lazarus, and Jesus were close friends. (This is the Mary who poured the very expensive perfume on Jesus’s feet as recorded in Matthew 26:7 and John 12:3, not the woman in Luke.)

So when Lazarus fell ill, it was natural for Mary and Martha to send for Jesus. “Lord, he whom you love is ill.” John 11:3. The NLT translates the relationship as your dear friend.

However, Jesus did not come right away. Odd! He loved Lazarus, and Mary and Martha. He had the ability to heal him. He healed many who he did not even know. In the very beginning of his ministry, Mark 1:32-34 records his healing of many who were sick. But Jesus did not immediately come.

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was ill, he stayed two days longer in the place where he was.” John 11:5 and 6. Is that how you would have responded? Is that how love demonstrates itself?

But when word arrived that Jesus was on his way, impetuous Martha ran to meet him. This same Martha who previously when Jesus came to visit, ran to meet him and greeted him with, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?” Luke 10:40.

This time she greets Jesus with, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” John 11:21. An if only story line is a narrative of regret. It shifts the story from what is to what might have been.

Martha’s expectations didn’t line up with her reality. But she seems to back pedal with her next words. “But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.” John 11:22. Please Jesus, heal our brother. I know you can!

Jesus assures her, “Your brother will rise again.” John 11:23.

But Martha’s understanding was limited. Even the Pharisees believe in resurrection.

I can often be a Martha. If only … 

If only I hadn’t chosen to accept that job …
If only I had invited her to come along …
If only I was chosen for …
If only we had gotten to the doctor sooner …
If only they knew what I had to offer …
If only I was more tech savvy …

A story line of regret. A story line of not trusting. A story line of questioning the sovereignty of God. My understanding can be so limited!

Twice in this narrative, at the beginning and at the end, Jesus declares Lazarus’s illness and death is to show the glory of God. John 11:4 and 40. Twice Jesus declares that Lazarus’s story is for the sake of the sake of others. John 11:15 and 42. Jesus’s heart if for me, for us, for our good.

There are no if only’s in God’s economy.

“Not to us, O LORD, not to us,
but to your name goes all the glory
for your unfailing love and faithfulness.”
Psalm 115:1, NLT

Last week, April 4, was Resurrection and the Disciples. If you missed it, scroll down.
Next week, April 17 is Resurrection and Mary. It’s interesting that Mary also uses the phrase, if only. But there is a difference.
April 24, Resurrection and Me.

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, April 2025

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life.
Whoever believes in me, though he die,
yet shall he live,'”
John 11:25, ESV

John 11 records the narrative of Lazarus’s death anchored by Jesus’s words, I am the resurrection and the life. 

Verses 1-16 record the narrative of the disciples and their reaction to Lazarus’s death.

But before we’re aware that Jesus is with his disciples, Jesus makes this bold assertion to Mary and Martha, “Lazarus’s sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God” John 11:4. As the story plays out, we see that not only did Mary and Martha experience the glory of God, so did the disciples.

I get Mary and Martha’s desire. They know Jesus can cure the illness. I often look at the hard swirling around, and I want Jesus to change it. I know he can. And Jesus’s plans are far better than my desire for short-sighted change because of his love. (More on that next week.)

The narrative switches to Jesus and his disciples. Jesus’s ways don’t make sense! He makes the decision to stay where he was with the disciples for two more days. I’m thinking Mary and Martha don’t understand. Where in the world is Jesus? Lazarus is his dear friend and is very ill. John 11:3. The disciples don’t understand. Jesus deciding to wait doesn’t make sense.

“Finally (after two days), he said to his disciples, ‘Let’s go back to Judea.'” John 11:7, (parentheses mine). This course of action definitely doesn’t make sense to the disciples. They reminded Jesus that only a few days ago the Jews there were trying to stone him! Why return to Judea? Why are we not heading to Bethany where Lazarus is lying in bed sick? I imagine questions such as these flying through their minds. The disciples were possibly not only concerned for Jesus, but also for themselves.

Jesus was concerned about the faith of his disciples. “and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you (disciples) may believe.” John 11:15.

I’ve spent many hours pondering Jesus’s claim.
Many days I’ve prayed, God, help me to live with the expectancy of resurrection power. Help me believe.

It was time to soak in the narrative recorded in John 11 and make it my own.

Jesus’s heart included more than his three good friends and the disciples. “... I said it out loud on account of the people standing around, that they may believe…” v.42.

As I read this narrative, I’m one of those standing around. I’ve heard the words of Jesus; I’ve seen the ways of Jesus, and I don’t get it.

But Jesus is more interested in my faith than in my understanding.

Jesus was willing to be misunderstood, to grow faith. Jesus orchestrated the details to lead to God’s glory. Jesus was living his identity.

It was the late ’90s. I was frustrated … well perhaps more than frustrated. Like the disciples, I didn’t understand God’s ways. I had a big desire to minister to women. And in my limited perspective I didn’t see that happening. So I gave up. Although not literal death, I decided to die to that dream. My wait was not two days. My wait was three years. Three years of wearing a mask and pretending, I was okay with life.

But God. God had planted that desire in my heart. I was misunderstanding his ways. After three years, I experienced the resurrection of that desire. For your sake, Sue, for your faith, I waited all the while working in the background to bring resurrection to your reality. 

“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for:
it is the evidence of things we cannot see.”
Hebrews 11:1, NLT

The question became personal, Sue, have you experienced resurrection? Sue, is your faith limited to your experience? Sue, do you believe?

If my faith is limited to experience, I do not have faith. I do not know resurrection.

I identify with the disciples who walked with Jesus 2000 years ago. As a follower (a disciple) of Jesus now, I still struggle. And in the midst of the struggles, I’m learning to pray, God, what does it look like to trust your resurrection power today?

“Jesus told her, (Martha)
‘I am the resurrection and the life.'”
John 11:25, NLT (parentheses mine)

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, April 2025

 

 

 

 

Can a command also be an invitation?
This is the question I’ve been pondering.

I love invitations. They offer a choice. Commands sometimes threaten. Am I able to fulfill them?

According to Hebrews 4:12, “… the word of God is living and active…” Do I read like I trust that? If the Word is living, does that mean I can have a conversation with God?

Or am I reading words on page that may or may not relate to where I’m living today? Am I reading merely to check off my Bible reading chart? Am I reading because that is what a good Christian is expected to do? Am I looking for something or am I listening to the God of the universe, the God who calls me His child? The God who invites.

Looking or listening?

I’m realizing my reactions, my questions, my communication with God as I answer the above questions speak to my desire and experience as I read.

Recently I listened to a sermon on John 15:1-17. If this parable is familiar to you, you know  that the point of this parable is fellowship with God. (All parables have one main point.) It is the last of Jesus’s “I Am” statements. “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.” John 15:1.

The word abide might have jumped into your mind. It’s used 11 times in the first 17 verses of John 15 in the ESV. In the NLT and the NIV, abide is translated remain. The Message rendition of this passage further clarifies with the terms, live in me, make your home in me, being joined to me, remain intimately at home in my love.

So how do I understand abide? Is it a command? Is it an invitation? Is it both? What does it look like to obey?

“If you abide in me,
and my word abide in you,
ask whatever you wish,
and it will be done for you.”
John 15:7

It is a command. But I’m thinking this command is also an invitation to mature (verses 8 & 11), to experience answered prayer (verse 7), to be aware of God’s love (verse 9), and to experience joy (verse 11).

God is offering me an invitation, a choice.

So I might ask, God what does it look like for me today to stay intimately connected to you? (The Message) How can I abide in you? What does it mean for your words to abide in me? (ESV) What does it mean for me to remain? (NIV) What invitation are you offering me today?

I think I’m being invited into conversation and into a deeper friendship with God. It seems to me that this command is an invitation.

Could that be true with other commands in the scriptures? Might my obedience show I’m responding to God’s invitations? I want to abide, to remain, to be intimately at home in His love!
I want to grow my relationship with God.

For many years I’ve prayed the words of Psalm 112. “Praise the LORD! Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in his commandments!” (verse 1) Fearing the LORD could also be translated, walking appropriately in the presence of God. So one who fears the Lord is one who is walking appropriately with God by taking great delight in his commandments. I can’t think of a better way to show God that I delight in His commands than to view those commands as invitations for deeper connection with Him.

“I’m challenged to read the imperatives (the commands) of scriptures
as invitations to enjoy my identity as the beloved child of God; to walk with Jesus.”
Russell Moore

I’d love to know your thoughts.

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, March 2025

 

 

Please tell me, I’m not the only one!

Have you ever thought you might be the only one?
Have you ever heard the same message from multiple sources?

If you answered yes to either of the above questions, be assured, you’re not alone!

It was only one week. The Bible study I participate in is studying Acts. We were reviewing Paul’s testimony in Acts 22 that week.

As I sat and listened to the speaker on campus a few nights later, sharing on Matthew 28, he referenced Paul’s testimony in Acts. I heard the voice of God.

Then the pastor in church that Sunday preaching through James emphasized a similar point. Okay, God, You have my attention.

The pastor spoke about the metaphor James uses in chapter one of a mirror. “For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.”
James 1:23, 24.

The pastor went on to explain, our natural face is the face of our birth. It is the picture of who God created us to be; the purpose we were born with. It challenged — Who did God create me to be? How can I live that out?

As Paul recounts his testimony of how he came to Christ in Acts 22:6-16, he shares how when he fell to the ground, was surrounded by a great light, and heard a voice (verse 7), he immediately responded with a question, who are you Lord? (verse 8). Jesus identified himself and Paul (then still Saul) follows it up with a second question, what shall I do Lord? (verse 10).

Jesus was no longer that carpenter from Nazareth he had been persecuting. Saul knew Jesus was his Lord!

As Paul shared his testimony in Jerusalem. He started by identifying himself as a Jew, from Tarsus, a citizen of no obscure city (Rome), educated by Gamaliel, zealous for God (“as all of you are this day.”) He continues by how he persecuted and delivered to death followers of the Way (Jesus).  Acts 21:39-22:5.

And then he shares his encounter with Jesus on the Damascus Road. And those two BIG questions:

Who are you, Lord?
What shall I do, Lord?

Jesus responded to his first question, ‘I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom you are persecuting’.
Acts 22:8.

Jesus, the one who gave Saul his identity. Jesus held up his mirror and Saul beheld his natural face, the person he was created to be.

Saul’s next question was the natural follow-up, what shall I do, Lord?

I pondered my background and God whispered, — your identity doesn’t rest in your family of origin. Your identity doesn’t rest in where you were born. Your identity doesn’t rest in your education. Your identity doesn’t rest in you zeal. Your identity rests in me, in being my child.

“But to all who did receive him,
who believed in his name,
he gave the right to become children of God,
who were born, not of blood
nor of the will of the flesh
nor of the will of man,
but of God.”
John 1:12, 13

The second question is just as important. Ananias answered that question for Saul a few verses later. “The God of our fathers appointed you to know his will, to see the Righteous One and to hear a voice from his mouth; for you will be a witness …” Acts 22:14, 15.

God reminded me of two importants that week. He reminded me of my identity. He reminded me to be asking, what would it look like for me to trust you today? Or in Paul’s words, what shall I do, Lord?

Who do you see when you look in your mirror each morning?
How might God respond if you ask, what would it look like to trust you today, Lord?

Copyright: Sue Tell, March 2025

 

 

 

 

 

Go?
Delay?
Postpone A-GAIN?
Cancel?

By the time you’re reading those questions, we will know the answer.

 

 

Our soul waits for the LORD;
he is our help and shield.
Yea, our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let they steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we hope in thee.
Psalm 33:20-22, RSV

I remember the date, February 16, 1969, two days after Valentine’s Day.

Bill came over to my dorm that Sunday evening excited to share with me. We had been dating for about a year, and had mutually agreed to take some time off to discern God’s heart for our relationship.

February 16, 1969 is the date we mark as our engagement!

Bill shared how the above scripture confirmed his desire for our future together. All the plural pronouns — “our”, “we”, “us” — six times in the three verses spoke God’s heart to him and for us.

There is also another theme running through these verses, waiting, trusting, hoping. The words of Psalm 33 spoke a promise to us, a promise without timing. It would be 3 1/2 years before we married.

This week is another opportunity to wait, to trust, to hope. Different circumstances, the same need. The questions at the top were our reality. Our plan was to leave for a campus visit in two days. But the weather! Ahhhhh, Colorado!

I snapped the above photo as I sat on our deck that morning with only a sweatshirt for warmth. The sun and the blue-sky gave no indication of the blizzard slated to come our way within the next seven hours!

As I enjoyed the morning, I reviewed that promise. Waiting, trusting, hoping were still relevant.

But God pointed me to the second line, “he is our help and shield.” Our shield, John Calvin in his commentary on The Psalms, describes as an impregnable fortress. 

My mind wandered to another truth that God has whispered to us many times in our marriage, Psalm 84:11. Two phrases stood out: in the first line, God is described as a shield.In the third line, no good thing does he (God) withhold. 

God’s shield is for our protection; it is our impregnable fortress.

God will not withhold good. Our good is also the good
of those on the campus we are planning to visit.

Those truths allow me to rest with the questions: go, delay, postpone, cancel!

Psalm 33:20-22 is the doxology for a Psalm on God’s steadfast love. God’s answer rests in his steadfast love. Calvin also says, “… there is nothing better than to commit our welfare to God.”

Promises do not have an end date!

Update: The blizzard turned into a fairly minor winter storm. We were glad to be able to go. And now we’re home again enjoying spring-like weather.

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, March 2025

 

 

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A quick personal note: For those who sign up to follow Echoes of Grace, I also send a brief devotional email. I add a bit more to what I share on the blog. And I always include the link to the current blog, a reminder that new words are live. If you haven’t signed up, please do! I’d like to include you with my friends who receive this Mailchimp note.  Now for a story from our wedding.   FMA, sue

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“As I was with Moses, so I will be with you;
I will never leave nor forsake you.”
Joshua 1:5

My wedding day, the day I had dreamed about since I was a little girl, was arriving soon. I had reserved the church, hired the caterer, and invited the wedding party. My gown waited for me in the bridal salon.

And then, the hurtful phone call: both friends who had agreed to stand up with me changed their minds and backed out! Both of my bridesmaids deserted me.

Abandoned by those I called friends, my grief was real and deep. Feelings of loneliness overwhelmed me as questions raced through my mind. How do I share this news with my mother? What will people think of my friends?

I was confused and devastated as my dream wedding turned into a nightmare. Tears and more tears fell until I thought I’d have none left to cry.

And then Jesus’ cry to God from the cross echoed in my heart. “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46).

I found comfort in knowing that Jesus knew what it was to be forsaken, abandoned, and alone. I heard God whisper, Sue, I am trusting you with this story. How will you respond? Will you return My trust?

And I remembered.

“The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:5-7).

God is near. He hears my prayers. His peace goes beyond my understanding, and my responsibility is to trust Him.

And to forgive as Christ forgave me (Ephesians 4:32).

By the grace of God, I am friends with both of these ladies today. God say my hurt and whispered truth. I forgave and received His peace. I was never alone.

Father, thank You for the stories You entrust me with–
even those that are painful in the moment.
Thank You that You are forever with me.
Even when I felt abandoned and alone, You were working in my heart to show Your wisdom and glory.
Thank you for Your trustworthiness and grace.
And thank You for how this story echoes Your heart.
In Jesus’ name, amen.

God works through abandonment and loneliness to demonstrate His trustworthiness and grace.

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This is one of my stories shared in Praying Through Loneliness. This 90 day devotional book includes stories from several women from college age to grandmas (like me). You will recognize the names of some of the contributors, others will be new to you. Although you may not identify with the specific stories shared in each devotional, you will be able to plug in your own story and you’ll identify with the feelings each brings. I highly recommend this book for your edification.

 

Who am we? Why are we here? These questions, tightly interwoven are crucial to enjoying who God created us to be.

“For we are his workmanship,
created in  Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand,
that we should walk in them.”
Ephesians 2:10

 How do plan, purpose, and passion inter-relate? How do these words speak?

“For we are his workmanship,”

I am his — God’s — workmanship. No question. These words shout truth, these words shout identity. “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13. I belong to God. I am his child. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.” I John 3:1. No question!

Being his workmanship defines who I am, my created identity.

Part of his workmanship, is not only physical being, it is our heart, our passions, our purpose, God’s design for all of me.

“Created in Christ Jesus for good works,”

Growing up, in my college years (when my faith became real), even into early years of marriage, this was a foreign concept. I didn’t even think about it. I was just putting one foot ahead of the other.

But God. God had a plan. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,” Jeremiah 29:11. Although I memorized that verse early in my Christian life, I wasn’t listening to its truth. It was encouraging in a nice kind of way, but knowing the words is merely information, not transformation.

I longed for transformation. Transformation resulting from living my purpose.

“Purpose is the DNA of your soul, knit into you from the moment of conception. It is the pattern from which everything about you originates. You don’t find purpose. You live and let purpose reveal itself to you.” Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD.

If you looked at my life in those early ministry years, you might think, I know what’s important to Sue. I think I knew too; but there was a disconnect. I was living from perceived expectations, not from an understanding of purpose.

“God not only loves you very much
but also has put his hand on you for something special.
Something happened in you.
Your lives are echoing the Master’s Word,”
from I Thessalonians 1:4-9, The Message rendition

God loving me leads to my life being an echo* of his Word. Identity leads to purpose.

And it is God’s purpose being lived out through his children.

“God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works
but because of his own purpose and grace,
which he gave us in Christ Jesus before the ages began,”
II Timothy 1:9 (underline mine)

I am the work of God’s hands so that he might be glorified! Isaiah 60:21. My purpose is not about me. It’s about God’s glory.

“which God prepared before hand,”

This is security, the source of significance;  this is grace. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” Ephesians 2:8 and 9.

Another of those early scripture memory verses that I divorced from its context. Because of the grace of salvation, not my works, God endowed me with purpose.

“The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me:
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.”
Psalm 138:8

“that we should walk in them.”

We should walk. I hear God’s heart in three ways: there is a path (walk in them);  I should keep moving; and the translation is walk — not run.

This speaks of passion. I want to continually be walking on the paths God has created for me.

What about you? What do you hear from these scriptures?

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, February 2025

*The name, Echoes of Grace, comes from this scripture.

 

Several months ago I had an argument with someone I’ve known for years. It was an unexpected clash, not par for the course of our relationship at all, and I came away from it shocked and a little bruised.

The gnarly part was that there didn’t seem an obvious way to resolution; as well as feeling awash with the emotions of it, it wasn’t clear how to move forward.

Such incidences are unwelcome aren’t they? In this situation it was a conflict, but it could very well have been an illness, or an accident or any kind of bad news. Something happens and the waters of life are stirred up. We’re disoriented and don’t know what to do next..

My strategy for the last few months has been to keep this incident on a shelf in the corner, attempting to pretend it doesn’t exist. In the main that’s worked quite well, but every now and then something will happen that brushes up against the as-yet unhealed bruise, and I find myself unable to ignore the discomfort. The throbbing pulsates right through me, and it’s as painful as ever.

This happened a few weeks ago. A completely different person did something that hurt my feelings a little, and I found myself reacting disproportionately strongly. I was awash with indignation and feelings of being hard-done-by, and even as I was experiencing them, I knew the throbbing was the original wound, rather than the current smite.

So the next morning, I reluctantly took the conflict down from the shelf where it had been gathering dust, and sat with it and the Lord.

Before me I had the words of Matthew 11:28-30

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Words poured out of me as I described to the Lord the stew I found myself in. Disappointment. Frustration. Anxiety. A litany of injustice and hurt.
As I sat with the words, I felt low. I’m drowning.

Then, as sometimes is my habit, I started to draw a stick man, carrying a big weight. I knew that in order to put on the easy yoke of Christ, I would first need to shed the yoke that was currently weighing me down. Release and receive. So I sketched myself with a bundle of hurt, bigger than I could carry.

I didn’t want it any longer.

When it came to sketching the yoke of Christ that I had been given in exchange (for it is not possible to wear two different yokes at once), I drew it as a soft collar around my neck, and coloured it in with the orange highlighter I had next to me. I scribbled the word grace on it.

As I sat with the image of a stick man wearing an orange collar, it immediately reminded me of a type of buoyancy aid we might wear while watersporting. A buoyancy aid of grace.

The significance of this picture hit me straight away. I was awash in choppy seas and couldn’t see dry land. I’d spent the last few months treading water with this issue, and I was tired: not at all confident that I wouldn’t sink.

The relief was immediate. I could almost feel the soft inflated plastic around my neck, inviting me to rest my weary self.
Beneath, the waves remained dark and choppy; I still couldn’t see the shore. But my legs no longer had to uselessly flail.

I could float..

In the weeks that have followed, the gnarly unresolved situation has continued to aggravate. But something significant has shifted internally.

I’m no longer afraid.

It’s strange to say, but there have been moments when being aware of this buoyancy aid of grace has led me to feel something of a playfulness, which seems odd when the situation remains prickly. I’ve got enough experience of being out on the water to know that being held upright, safe, in a large choppy loch is actually quite…fun. I’ve found myself internally challenging Jesus Come on then, the pressure is off me, show me how you’re going to resolve this situation with your grace. It’s not an abdication of responsibility as such, but a sort of sacred detachment, an acknowledgement that my life is not my own.

I don’t know what I need to do to get to steady ground with this issue, but one thing I’m confident of is that his grace IS sufficient; his power is made perfect in my weakness. .

When we come to Jesus with our tangled situations, what we’re effectively calling out is Save me! We’re crying out from the midst of the storms.

The buoyancy aid we’re handed doesn’t immediately remove us from the squall. Circumstances don’t immediately ease.
But we are safe. Our heads are above water. We will not be drowned.

And that’s true whatever the cause of the gale. Life has unexpected weather almost every day. We are utterly dependent on these buoyancy aids, but often we try and swim on our own. There’s no need! There’s no need at all, yet our stubborn instincts are so quick to tell us otherwise.

Such is the miracle of life in Christ that our hailstorms are an invitation to be carried. To float, safe and free, in the arms of the One who is our buoyancy aid. Who always keeps our head above water. Who always leads us home.