Pushing Into The Tension

My words were not good as we drove home from church last Sunday.

My husband and I were reviewing the last hour — the Sunday school class (our community as our church calls it) that he teaches with about twenty 20-somethings. We sit in a large circle to make conversation easier. But last Sunday the group was unusually quiet. I had thoughts.

As an extrovert and an external processor, my thoughts turned to words within a few blocks of church.

And my words hurt. Tension.

Earlier this fall I listened to a podcast put out by the TrueFace ministry***, Divided We Stand; Three Ways to Love When You Disagree. I opened my journal when we got home where my notes were recorded. I needed help.

Review my primary identity. My primary identity is that I am the beloved child of God. That identity is secure. My husband and I both claim this primary identity. All of us who are born of God have God’s seed abiding in them. I John 3:9. God’s seed, the Holy Spirit, came to abide in us both when we received the gift of eternal life. We both have the DNA of godliness.

We also have secondary identities. Our giftings differ. Our roles differ. How we live them out
differ. These secondary identities are not less important, but in our humanity, they might be
threatened. That’s what I was experiencing on the way home. My words were hurting, not
helping.

2. Remind myself of my biases. What has shaped my life? Where are my blind spots? I am an
external processor. Words flow easily for me; sometimes too easily. Instead of asking, of listening, of caring well, I was offering my thoughts with no regard of how they might be received. The tension was palatable. Now both of us were hurting.

3. Remember that we both are image bearers; we both have the same DNA. We can believe differently and both be deeply loved at the same time. “To not treat well another of God’s precious artworks dishonors the divine artist”.

There is a reason that one of the first pages in my journal lists truths about the importance of words. I returned to those truths. I needed them — a-GAIN!

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14

“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth;
keep watch over the door of my lips!”
Psalm 131:3

“Let your speech always be gracious seasoned with salt …”
Colossians 4:6

When my words are not acceptable to another, it is a clue that possibly they are also not acceptable to God. I understood; I asked forgiveness; the tension is dissipating.

A safe person is a vulnerable person.

*** Click on https://www.Trueface.org and you can listen to the message, Divided We Stand, that so ministered to me.