“To be loved you have to be known; to be known, you have to be vulnerable.”
Shelly Miller

Being known … might that be one of the desires of your heart too?

I hadn’t thought of it in those terms until last summer. We were out to coffee with new friends (note the gal, second from right, standing in bottom row) and when the wife spoke those words, it clicked. That’s me. I too want to be known.

Acknowledging my desire to be known brought understanding to me and took me another step deeper into combating the lie that I knew often controlled me.

It reminded me of two meetings I attended about five years apart, two different but similar meetings. For both, I was traveling with Bill, he was training, I had no assigned role.

The first in Maine ~ about 5 years ago.
The second in Singapore ~ just last month.

My experience at the two meetings was vastly different.

In Maine I was chomping at the bit. I wanted to add my two cents.
I wanted the group to know I had something to offer.
I was feeling unknown and insignificant.
Just being there and supporting Bill wasn’t enough for me.
I was frustrated.

In Singapore. I was relaxed.
Being there and supporting Bill was enough.
I was at peace. (Funny story, Asian lady in tears thanked me for bringing Bill. I hugged her back. Really Bill brought me!)

What was going on in me? What was the difference?

It all had to do with being known.

In Maine, I believed my “known-ness” came through my words. I’m an extrovert, words are important.
And I was believing my significance came from my “known-ness”. So with no words, I was insignificant.

Significance is a legitimate need. A need that God desires to meet in me. But I was not looking to God. I thought I was responsible for creating my own significance, my own known-ness. For the others at the meeting to think well of me, I needed to add my words.

Now (5 years later) I understand that my “known-ness” rests with God.

God has graciously pointed me to Psalm 138:8, “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for you …”

God is far more concerned about my living out His purposes for me, the desires He placed in my heart, living in the significance He offers, believing my known-ness rests in my identity as His beloved child, than in my speaking words.

“When God calls you to offer the treasures of your inheritance,
you are on holy ground.”
Sharon Betters

In Maine God had not called me to offer the treasures of my inheritance through words, yet that was what I wanted, felt I needed.

So in Maine, I was feeling in-significant and unknown.

Satan was having a hay day with me, re-enforcing a lie I knew I struggled with, I am not good enough. More specifically, I am not spiritually mature enough to be more than the sitting, smiling wife.

I am not good enough. I know that is Satan’s biggest card he plays with me. I also know when I’m most vulnerable.

I am not good enough is a lie of the devil.
but
I want to be known is a God-given desire. And it is truth.

 “The better we know ourselves, the better we know God.
The better we know God, the better we know ourselves.”
John Calvin

I’m beginning to notice that many of my lies are related to my desires. And doesn’t that make sense? Satan knows our places of vulnerability.

Desires are good things. God planted them in my DNA when he created me. They are part of my identity as a child of God.

“What the wicked dreads will come upon him,
but the desire of the righteous will be granted.”
Proverbs 10:24

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire
and
the power to do what pleases him.”
Philippians 2:13, NLT

Back to Singapore. What was the difference?

After meditating on the truth in the scriptures for many years, I’m learning to trust that truth. God continues to reveal his desires for me. And I often pray, God, what would it look like to trust you with this truth today?

I’m learning my significance rests with God.
I’m learning that my known-ness is God’s responsibility.
I’m learning to trust God with those truths.
And, it is good.

When my motivations are defined by trust,
my desires are refined by God.
a thought from my journal, 2015

“Before I formed you in the womb,
I knew you.
And before you were born,
I consecrated you;”
Jeremiah 1:5