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His words broke my heart.

The dream job turned out to be a nightmare.

The doctor called with an unexpected diagnosis.

The car came out of nowhere.

One minute life is peaceful and humming along, the next a storm rolls in without warning. The tested theology of my favorite hymns bolsters my faith in these unwanted trials.

I enjoy a good modern praise song, but on a particularly hard day, I turn to the rich verses and soothing cadence of a hymn. Maybe it is because I was raised singing hymns. Or it might be my “old soul” that my aging body is rapidly catching up with.

After turning on the music I turn to my art table to process life’s circumstances.

Tulips make my heart happy (and ready to murder any cute little furball that would try to eat them in my garden).

In my first attempt at “It is Well With my Soul” I included both the bloom and the bulb. The bloom reminds me of seasons when “peace like a river attendeth my way”. I wish those seasons lasted longer, just as I wish my tulips would never fade.

The bulbs are there too though. They represent the seasons where “sorrows like sea billows roll”.

Bulbs aren’t much to look at – they are kind of ugly – but oh, the potential.

I sit at my art table. I ponder, sing, paint, and groan over mistakes. An idea rolls around in my head from a writer about his Parkinson’s diagnosis. The disease itself is undeniably a bulb. He wrote of “pain redeemed” versus “pain removed“ and I wonder what this means.

Pain redeemed sounds hopeful. It sounds like potential good can come from this heartbreaking situation.

How do I redeem my pain and not just pray it will be removed?

How do I plant my ugly bulb and get the flower to come forth?

I know it involves waiting. Waiting, waiting and more waiting for Him to act.

“But for you, O Lord, do I wait;
it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer.”
Psalm 38:15

I know it involves believing spring will come, if not in this life, then the next.

“The last enemy to be destroyed is death.”
1 Corinthians 15:26

I know it involves relinquish. Opening my grasp to let go of the control I never really had and filling it instead with His strong, loving Hands.

“For I, the Lord your God,
hold your right hand;
It is I who say to you, ‘Fear not,
I am the one who helps you.’ “
Isaiah 41:13

Today, right now, it is taking that thing that worries me the most and every single time my mind turns it over, forcing my thoughts a new direction.

I review an encouraging scripture. This gives me a little more courage to relinquish. I thank God that He is in control.

I tell Him I trust Him, no matter the outcome.

I plead for healing, growth, and change.

I process at my art table with the hymns playing on repeat…I struggle to grow there too.

The first attempt felt too disconnected, and I was unhappy with my tulips.
The second one took hours to try and incorporate the writing on the right.  Breakthrough came after adding in the verse on the left to tie it together.

And finally, after an unwanted nudge from my art teacher to do a third painting, it ended up coming much more quickly when I thought I was just practicing on a scrap piece of paper.

In the last two paintings the bulb and bloom remain together. From the bulb comes the bloom. Pain redeemed and not just removed.

He is using the bulbs to change me from the inside out too. My faith is stronger. I’m closer to Him than before.

Pain redeemed indeed.

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Sherry Graf has served on staff with Collegiate Navs for 25 years. She loves exploring the mountains with her husband and 3 teen sons. In May she  “retired” from homeschool as her youngest enters high school. She has been published in Focus on the Family and Upper Room magazines and by NavPress. Her short discipleship sized booklet , “I Don’t Get You” gives young adults and married couples practical tools for emotionally healthy relationships . A new book is in the works combining her love of watercolor and faith called, Living Free and Unfettered: A guide to a Renewed Mind. She loves to encourage others to tap into their own creative side and using her art to creatively communicate the Gospel. You can find her author/artist pages on FB, Insta and her website sherrygraf.com 

Copyright: Sherry Graf, April 2023

PS. Sherry is my friend, and I love her water colors! I have a renewed desire to write short notes to friends because of her watercolors made into note cards.  Sue Tell