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In His wisdom, God has created us with needs — needs, not weaknesses!
Love is the process of meeting needs.
Affirmation is love.

I desire to be generous and intentional with affirmation.

A while ago I attended a two-day conference where we were asked to do an affirmation exercise.  We were divided into groups of two and given of list of over 150 affirming words.***  We were asked to circle all the words that would affirm our partner and then choose five to verbally share with stories to back up our choices.

I learned three big lessons about affirmation that day.

Josey (not her real name) was my partner.  She and I had a fairly new friendship having met only three months previous.  There are many of those new friendship details that I didn’t know about her.  However, I found it easy to affirm her.  What a delight.  First affirmation lesson, I don’t need to know a person well to affirm them. 

Josey’s choice to attend the conference demonstrated her heart for God, the heart to grow as a Christian, and her desire to continue to build our friendship. These qualities allowed me to verbalize to her who God created her to be, affirmation. 

Later in the day on one of our breaks I was visiting with a young wife.  Her words were, “my husband is not good at affirming me”.  I felt sad that that was her experience.  And I also wondered if she was missing some of her husband’s affirming ways.

I have experienced words of affirmation voiced by my husband Bill. And often I experience his written words of affirmation.  I love the cards he chooses for me and personalizes. Often those cards stand on my dresser for months!  I wish I had saved those early letters he wrote when we were just beginning to know each other.  I need to be more of a romantic!

Second affirmation lesson, affirmation takes many different forms, like …

Serving another, they are seen and affirmed.
A hug can communicate affirmation. I remember one day … I.WAS.MAD! I was stomping around the kitchen. I looked at Bill and said, “Do you even believe I love Jesus?” He smiled and wrapped me in his arms and said, “Of course I do.” I melted with his physical affirmation and words.
Stories communicate affirmation. Especially those stories we are unaware of. Twice in the last 7 months, my husband heard stories from long-lost friends sharing how his ministry has resulted in the transformation of hundreds. He never knew!
Affirmation can be shared ahead of time — and understood later. Our son makes it a habit to write liturgies for the family on their special days. I’m quite sure 4-year old Leah didn’t understand her Dad’s words when he noted how her actions affirmed who God created her to be.
As I spend time with God in His word, I often hear His affirmations. I call this, affirmation by meditation.

A third lesson on affirmation is a hard one and also displayed itself during the weekend.  Another friend was sharing about her experience with the affirmation exercise over a meal. The affirming words had ignited her shame. She shared when her friend affirmed her artistic bent, she heard that as “I’m not organized”.  Every word used to affirm her, she had a “not” for.

I can be guilty of that as well.  Many times others have recognized my strength in hospitality.  Often I have put their down with this sentence, “No big deal, that’s easy for me”.  How dishonoring to God who created me to be hospitable and is delighted when I use my home to minister to others. Third affirmation lesson, even a positive thing like affirmation can ignite shame and feelings of unworthiness.

 I’m learning to not let the response of others affect my affirmations.

I enjoy affirmation. I need affirmation to help me live out who God created me to be. God is the ultimate affirmer and He often uses others to communicate His love. Because I desire to grow in godliness, I need to grow in affirming the good things I see in others, and to humbly receive the good others see in me.

Could it be that affirmations are God’s messages to me?
Could it be that affirmations are something I need to trust and develop?

I desire to be generous and intentional with affirmation!

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well”.
Psalm 139:14

“It is in the sight of God that we have been speaking in Christ,
and all for your upbuilding, beloved.”
II Corinthians 12:19

*** I have copies of this affirmation exercise. Would you like one? Respond in the comments.

Copyright: Sue Tell, May 2025