This is where I rest my eyes most mornings during my time with God. Each fire I lay starts with kindling (a noun). Ros’ words below are a wonderful metaphor. But think of kindling as a verb as you read.

I’ve introduced my Scottish friend, Ros, to you before. She is a master at sharing her life and bringing life to the Word of God. Thank you again, Ros!!

____________________________________________________________________________

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

A big piece of the joy of our salvation is the gift of wonder; wonder lived out in expectancy.

Our oldest GRAND, Jack, (now 15) was only 3 years old when he saw his first rainbow. His picture hangs above my desk and speaks wonder, amazement, marveling, expectancy. I never want to stop wondering and being amazed and expectant by God’s creation. God delights in our child-like wonder and expectancy.

Zechariah struggled with the concept of wonder. His knowing didn’t allow him to trust Gabriel’s message, an answer to his own long-prayed prayer. “But the angel said to him, ‘Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John.'” (Luke 1:13) His response, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is advanced in years.” (Luke 1:18) Zechariah had expectations based on his human understanding. God was on the move and Zechariah failed to trust. Expectancy foiled. Wonder aborted.

The theme of wonder continues through Luke’s narrative.  All their neighbors knew of God answering Zechariah and Elizabeth’s many-long-years prayer for a son. They rejoiced with them when the baby was born. But then! The baby is now eight days old and it’s time for him to be publicly named and circumcised. The neighbors were sure he would be named Zechariah  after his father. Elizabeth surprised them all, “No; he shall be called John.” (Luke 1:60).

Not trusting Elizabeth, the neighbors turned to Zechariah. He wrote on a tablet confirming, “his name is John”. And they all wondered! Eugene Peterson’s words in The Message Rendition read, “That took everyone by surprise. Surprise followed surprise …”

This piece of the narrative concludes, “A deep, reverential fear settle over the neighborhood, and in all that Judean hill country people talked about nothing else. Everyone who heard about it took it to heart, wondering, ‘What will become of this child? Clearly, God has his hand in this.'” (Luke 1:65 and 66, The Message). Their sense of expectancy now alive.

Zechariah’s story is only the beginning of the concept of wonder throughout the Christmas narrative and beyond. Other words used are “considered” (Joseph in Matthew 1:20); “troubled” (Zechariah in Luke 1:12); “greatly troubled and tried to discern” (Zechariah in Luke 1:29); “wondered” (used to describe the Shepherds as well, (Luke 2:18); “treasured, pondered” (Mary in Luke 2:19 and 51); “marveled” (Mary and Joseph in Luke 2:33).

Wonder is often shown in the questions we ask. Not the demanding questions … like prove it; not the challenging questions … like really, this couldn’t be. Rather, the desiring questions, help me to believe, help me to trust. Please, will you grow my faith. Help me to live with expectancy.

Wonder may often be best seen through the eyes of a child in their amazement, curiosity, openness and in their simple trusting questions.

We too practice wonder when we live out our child-like faith.

Wonder can lead to expectancy.

“Rather than expectations, I’ve learned to maintain expectancy,
which is a sense of awe at the divine-human encounter
that is breaking in on everything we call ordinary and routine.”
Craig Barnes, Diary of a Pastor’s Soul

Leah is our youngest GRAND, just 20 months old this Christmas. This photo is from last Christmas. Do you see the wonder as she ponders those tiny Christmas lights. I have this one hanging right under the picture of Jack. I learn so much from our GRANDS.

How would you title this picture?

Father, I ask for myself, I ask for my friends, that our sense of wonder would be alive and well this Christmas season. May we live with the expectancy and awe of encountering and experiencing You each and every day. Amen

 

Thursday, December 23, Worship and Expectancy.

Copyright, Sue Tell, December 2021

“It is a wonderful, mysterious, hard-to-grasp, and beyond-the-scope-of our-normal-reasoning story.” Paul David Tripp

Phew! Someone more wise, more godly than me said it.

Last Easter was another one of those stake-in-the-ground times for me spiritually. I admitted first to myself and then out-loud … the resurrection … I can’t get my head around it; it is too hard to believe.

I’ve been a missionary for 50 years. Are those thoughts a seasoned missionary should entertain?

And the virgin birth – it’s right up there with the resurrection.

I find comfort in Zechariah’s life. He understands. Luke 1 shares some of his story.

He was a priest – I am a missionary. He served God vocationally. I serve God vocationally.
He was married – I am married.
He was described as righteous before God – me too.
and walking blamelessly with God – I hope that describes me.
He was human – me too.
He was a praying man – I’m there.
He knew the hard of unanswered prayer – I identify.
He was visited by and had a conversation with an angel – yes, I think so.

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,
for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
Hebrews 13:2

The angel delivered an astonishing message. God was going to answer Zechariah’s prayer and he and his wife Elizabeth were going to have a son.

Eugene Peterson renders Zechariah’s response, “Do you expect me to believe this? I am an old man and my wife is an old woman.” Luke 1:18

Zechariah’s knowing didn’t allow him to believe. His humanity over-ruled.

Expectancy is being asked to arouse hope.

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”
I Corinthians 2:9

Peterson’s words in Luke 1:4 say, “so that you may know beyond the shadow of a doubt.”

This is a different kind of knowing.
This knowing is faith-based.
This knowing is trust-based.
This knowing is love-based.
This knowing is hope-based.
This knowing is mystery-based.
This knowing is expectancy.

After last Easter I wrote this prayer.

God, please grow my knowing.
Help me to press on in trust, press on in faith, press on in knowing You.
May the power of Your resurrection be my testimony, my knowing.
God, please grow my knowing. Amen.

I based it on three scriptures: John17:3, Philippians 3:10, and Hosea 6:3. I pray it for myself almost daily. And I’m keeping a list of additional scriptures I come across on the expectancy of knowing.

I identify with the words of Craig Barnes in his book, The Diary of a Pastor’s Soul, “Somewhere along the line I got much less interested in talking about this stunning hope and so much more devoted to believing it.”

The virgin birth is beyond-the-scope-of-my-normal-reasoning. I’m human. I’m glad. I want to live with the expectancy of knowing an amazing, very big, very wise, very able, very mysterious, very loving, God.

God, help me to live with faith-based expectancy this Advent, the expectancy of You showing up in surprising ways. God, please continue to grow my knowing. Amen.

“The safest place to camp in this mystery is worship.”
Bryan Counts

My friend Kate created this bookmark for me from the prayer I wrote last Easter.  Let me know in the comments if you would like one. Merry Christmas.

 

Copyright, Sue Tell, December 2021

Before arriving on Harvester, that one-mile by half-mile-wide Island in the Gulf of Alaska, I landed at the Anchorage airport. I stood in front of a huge taxidermied moose, excitement oozing from my being. And I heard the whisper of God.

Sue, release expectations; embrace expectancy.

I understand release and embrace, but expectations and expectancy?
How are they different?
What was God saying?

I went with it – whatever it meant. Was this huge Alaskan mammal a clue?

I had expectations. I was attending a writing workshop after all. I would get help with writing.

And I remember the words of a friend who had gone before, Sue, it is so much more than a writing workshop, it is a wilderness adventure, a soul-stretching, soul-enriching experience. I was all in. And, I thought I understood her words. In the past I’ve attended retreats majoring on my soul. I have led retreats on the same topic. I had expectations of a soul experience.

If I had let those expectations reign, I would have been disappointed. Harvester Island did not echo past experiences.

Sue, release your expectations.
Don’t let your past define your now.
That was hard.

As the week progressed, I found myself telling myself, Sue, be aware; be present. How is God meeting you? That early Holy Spirit guidance was the key to expectancy.

Expectancy is anticipation that rests with God.

The Fin Whales outside the windows of our classroom were the turning point that Tuesday. Our morning writing class finished and we were gathered around our professors who were sitting with their backs to the windows on those tall professor-ish stools. Our questions poured out. Suddenly Fin Whales – lots of them swimming on the surface of Uyak Bay. Along with my other new writing friends, I was facing the windows; and the whales caught our attention. They were letting out the breath they had been holding through those two blow holes on the top of their heads causing water to spout 30’ into the air. Our questions could wait.

The whales became our teachers. Expectancy.

Understanding was dawning.

Expectancy, being present, allowing God to lead.

In the midst of this Alaskan wilderness, in the midst of this writing workshop, in the midst of God’s amazing creation that Tuesday morning something bigger than writing was happening. I was learning worship.

“For his (God’s) invisible attributes … have been clearly perceived,
ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.”
Romans 1:19

God prompted a second time – release my expectations and embrace expectancy.

After my week on Harvester Island, my writing will never be the same.
After my week on Harvester Island, my worship will never be the same.

I learned to embrace how God was leading.
I learned expectancy.

“The difference between waiting for our expectations to happen and waiting expectantly [with expectancy] for this moment to unfold is huge. Being present to what is; this is what matters. What is happening here and now is important. What goes on while I wait may become the foundation for some new undreamed of and unexpected future.”
Adele Calhoun, Invitations from God

“Expectancy is anticipation mingled with joy.”                                                                                                                                      Ruth Chou Simons

I wonder, is this not a good posture to assume as we come into Advent?
Might embracing expectancy look a bit like trust?

That early guidance – be aware, be present – was my key to expectancy. Expectancy rests with God; expectancy allows God to lead; expectancy is anticipation mingled with joy.

God, what would it look like to trust you today with ___________. God, help me to release my expectations for ____________ and embrace the expectancy of this Christmas season. Amen.

Expectation and expectancy have similar definitions. Embracing their nuances is embracing God.
And that has the potential to be transformational.

Expectancy, my word for 2022.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans for welfare and not for evil,
to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Copyright, Sue Tell, November 2021

This year there are six of us around our dining room table. Friendship, a wonderful gift from God. And the friendship of these couples blesses us.

You who are reading these words are friends too. I am so thankful for each of you. May your Thanksgiving be blessed.

 

 

Our family is spread far and wide. We’ll talk, perhaps zoom with them on Thanksgiving day. We are thankful for technology that even the youngest … well except for 19 month old Leah has learned to use.

Jack and Ashlyn are our teen GRANDS and live in Kansas, so close and yet so far. Judah, Naomi, Ezra, and Leah are all in South Carolina, an airplane trip away.

A special 2021 treat was sister Penny visiting with her family in May. Here we are touring the Glen Eyrie castle.

We also visited with Bill’s sister this fall in Minnesota.
This picture is from our 2019 visit.

 

 

Pictures of friends go on and and on and on. Friendship is a high value for me. You are important and I’m thankful for you. These are our Splendid Friends as we call ourselves. We have been getting together monthly for almost 20 years to share a meal and walk together into our grandparent years. Much to be thankful for. And sometimes we even travel together! On the left we’re in Estes Park.

Earlier this month I wrote about Marion, one of my older women. I miss her lots. And I’m thankful for these ladies too who by their lives and their vocation are always ministering to me. Leslie Leyland Fields (not older in age) led our time in Alaska. Her writing and her words mentor me in my writing.

And here are a few more friends we were blessed to cross paths with this fall in Illinois.

Copyright: sue tell, November 2021

 

 

 

Resting on the Foundation of His Love

God’s love is the springboard,
the beginning,
the basis,
the foundation,
the background of the tapestry,
the resting place for the theme.

When I rest on the foundation of His Love,
I trust,
I receive,
I gain perspective,
I am aware,
I breathe deeply,
There is wisdom.

“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.” Brennan Manning

“God loves us just as we are … while he loves us into who we will become.” Ruth Chou Simons

Do you even believe I really love Jesus?
The question poured out in deep frustration that day; the reason has escaped me.
Of course I do. The answer, a gift from my husband accompanied by a hug. I melted.

God loved me through Bill in my big mess. I needed that assurance.

“See how very much our Father loves us,
for he calls us his children,
and that is what we are!”
I John 3:1 NLT

“You have been set apart as holy to the LORD you God,
and he has chosen you from all the nations of the earth
to be his own special treasure.”
Deuteronomy 14:2 NLT

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;”
Jeremiah 31:3 ESV

When I look in the mirror, God please give me the courage, the trusting, the humility to see your image displayed in me.  Amen.

 

During Advent, these words will be fleshed out.
Next Thursday, a Thanksgiving post.

Copyright, sue tell, November 2021

 

A story about raccoons? Yes. Perhaps the two questions at the end make this a raccoon story worthy of your time. Read on, my friend.

2:30 a.m. The noise wakes Bill; Bill wakes me. The edge of my side of the bed a mere two feet from the sliding glass door often opened to our deck in the summer … even overnight. That six inch opening made the outer screen the only shield between us and the night.

The screen with its tiny holes welcomes the cool air and the sounds of the night.

That night it was the sound of three raccoons, perhaps a momma and her babes, two kits.

We moved to the kitchen door around the corner for a better view. What we saw captured all my breath, and pushed me back from the door and screen.

Quickly I retrieved my camera – the one conveniently part of my cell phone.

Momma raccoon had climbed to the edge of the roof, to the top of the downspout, just inches from where the hummingbird feeder hangs. The kits waited below for a sweet middle-of-the-night snack. Hummingbirds aren’t the only critters loving my home-made recipe of sugar water.

Momma, from her high post, turned the feeder upside down letting the sugar water spill out. Smart critters, those raccoons. The kits licked appreciatively; Bill and me watching in wonder.

Where did those raccoons come from?
Where is their daytime den?
How did momma coon discover our hummingbird feeder?

Their masks reveal them. Often a mask is a way to hide. Not so for these critters caught red-pawed.

Up in the middle of the night, I used the opportunity to visit the bathroom. I returned to the kitchen door. The entertainment gone; off to their next night time caper.

Momma raccoon knew her created design and purpose – to provide for those kits. Perhaps she too licked some of the sweetness from our deck floor. I didn’t see it.

She discovered the treat; she brought her kits; she lived her purpose.

What about me …
Do I know the source of my nourishment and even how to find special treats?
Am I living my purpose and my God-ordained responsibility to feed and nourish others?

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, August 2021

 

My husband lives with NAION, an eye condition which reduces the flow of blood to the optic nerves. The nerves die creating blind spots.

N – non-arteritic   (reduced blood flow)
A – anterior            (the front of the nerve)
I – ischemic            (not enough blood)
O – optic                 (eye)
N – neuropathy    (dysfunction of the nerves)

Yes, it’s an acrostic and it has taken me a long time to remember and make sense of it. Writing helps.

It came suddenly – or perhaps we became aware of it suddenly. All was well (or so it seemed) when we climbed in bed that Sunday night three and a half years ago. Not so Monday morning. Dark blobs had overtaken his vision. We called our ophthalmologist. Be here in 30 minutes!

The appointment was long; the potential diagnoses grim; further tests scheduled. Those tests did not confirm what might have been – a good thing. But blind spots, created by the dark blobs, continued. Confusion reigned.

Next a neuro-ophthalmologist, the expert of experts. With the wisdom he gained from years of focused study and with the very advanced technology in his office, he accurately diagnosed NAION. Nerves in the back of Bill’s eyes had died. No medicine, no diet, no exercises would restore them to life.

It was good to know the diagnosis; it was discouraging to grasp its reality.

We were then directed to a low vision clinic. Bill made the appointment, but hope was lacking. After all what could bring dead nerves back to life ? That is apart from the intervention of God, for which we do pray.

The doctor in the low vision clinic also lives with low vision. And he also is in ministry and often speaks to groups. He understood Bill; and he was VERY helpful. He changed Bill’s eyeglass prescription; he offered many practical suggestions. He didn’t offer a cure; he offered hope. It was good. Bill left encouraged.

All three men gifted experts in their fields; all three offered according to their expertise; all three were essential; all three encouraged. Our ophthalmologist discerned and directed; the neuro-ophthalmologist diagnosed; the low vision expert taught Bill how to better live with NAION.

The experts encouraged according to the environment God had them in; all three essential.

We needed all their expertise.
We needed all their encouragement.
We needed all their environments.

For Bill and me, more than that,
this story is one of the tools God is using to transform our marriage.

I need to learn patience. I need to learn to allow Bill to struggle through reading something rather than jump in and offer to read it for him. I’m doing better; and I’m still growing.

Bill needed to learn to allow me to help him more. He no longer drives after dark or in unfamiliar places. We’re learning to make new decisions.

Bill is becoming my greatest encourager. His words to me as I’m doing what he used to do spur me on.

We needed this environment to grow our marriage. We’re becoming better experts at being husband and wife. We need each other’s encouragement.

The two of us are more and more becoming one flesh (Ephesians 5:31) in ways we would have never dreamed 49 years ago.

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33

 

Copyright, Sue Tell, October 2021

 

 

 

or Envy, Comparison, Desire, Humility

I don’t remember her words.
I do remember my feelings. They were colored bright green.

She was standing UP front, on the stage.
I was seated down with the other no-bodies – smoke coming out of my ears.

Comparison fueled by envy.
Envy rooted in shame.
Shame fed by a lie.
Humility absent.

For many years, I’d been hearing the whisper – Sue, you’re not quite good enough. My response that night with her UP and me down was another proof; another illustration to add to my list.

Envy is looking at what another has and coveting.
I was coveting. She had ministry – and supposedly I didn’t.

My envy showed me my current understanding. Ministry only happens when you’re UP front. Ministry only happens if you’re considered a leader. Ministry is always public.

My envy stirred up negative emotions. They surfaced and spilled from my eyes, controlled my body posture, and according to my husband, made smoke drift from my ears.

My envy showed me my great need. What was I not believing? Why was this such a struggle? Will I never mature?

My envy was a blinking yellow light. And that night I ran through it instead of slowing down, stopping, and pondering.

My envy left no room for humility.

My envy robbed me of joy, peace, and rest. I had no ability to affirm and appreciate. It was all about me.

My envy also showed me my desire. It affirmed what I knew. I desire for God to use me in ministry to women.

Ten years later, God pointed me to Paul and this truth …

“If I am to live in the flesh,
that means fruitful labor for me.”
Philippians 1:22

I read those words. I heard God’s voice. I asked, can I claim this truth for myself?

Nine years and six months later, I sat on the bed in my hotel room that afternoon. I was helping lead a women’s weekend conference. I don’t remember where my roommate was; I was alone.

I opened my journal, the leather one where I record only the important stuff. There he was, God looking back at me through Philippians 1:22. I heard his affirming, gentle answer, Yes, Sue, you can claim this truth for your life too.

Joy, peace, rest flooded my soul.

I had been UP front that particular weekend. I was going to be again when the next meeting started.

But I heard something more important from God that afternoon.

The joy, the peace, and the rest did not relate to being UP front.
The joy, the peace, and the rest related to living out the woman God created me to be.
The joy, the peace, and the rest required and offered humility.

“Before O’Connor knew for certain who she was and what she was good at, when she was struggling to learn along with the craft of writing, she kept a prayer journal at school. In it, she wrote this prayer: “But dear God please give me some place, no matter how small, but let me know it and keep it. If I am the one to wash the second step every day, let me know it and let me wash it and let my heart overflow with love washing it.” Humility is taking our place, no matter how small (or big) and fulfilling that place with a heart overflowing with love. The good life begins and ends with humility.”

Flannery O’Connor, A Prayer Journal, p 38.
Recorded in On Reading Well by Karen Swallow Prior.

Copyright, Sue Tell, June 2021

I walked into the room filled with women I had yet to know. It was March. Outside the gray skies and cold wind encouraged me to quicken my steps.

We recently decided that Village Seven was going to be our home church. Being the extrovert that I am I was anxious to meet my new friends. Ladies Bible study seemed the perfect place to start. And it was.

I walked through the door leaving the cold outside and Marion immediately spotted me and walked toward me offering the warmth of a new friend. That was the first day of a friendship I’m so glad God gifted me with.

Several stories were shared at her memorial service earlier this month about Marion’s warmth and inviting nature. I experienced it that morning.

Hi, I’m Marion. I don’t think we’ve met.

A sigh of relief. Someone noticed. She asked about me. We realized we had lots in common. She introduced me to others. She led me to a small group of ladies who became my Bible study group for the rest of the year. That was the beginning of our 25 year friendship.

Marion continued reaching out. She and her husband Bill were the first to invite us for dinner. She included me when she hosted a few ladies for tea in the afternoon.

I soon learned that not only was Bible study important to Marion, her personal time with Jesus was the highlight of her day. That time flowed into our friendship. We often shared what we were studying and learning. Marion was a breath of fresh air.

Marion believed in me. I remember where we sat at that restaurant with her friend Beth and talked about Bible study. She asked, Sue how do you want to be involved? Her question communicated she trusted me and my walk with God. It led to a new involvement for me.

I loved learning from Marion and many others also noticed her contributions. Marion was the speaker for our women’s missionary luncheon one spring. I still remember her words from Psalm 23. She described God not only as our shepherd, but also as our host preparing for and attending to our needs. Psalm 23 continues to be a personal favorite. And it is one of the scriptures Marion requested as she lay in her hospital bed the last day of her life here on earth. It was read aloud at her memorial service. Tears. I remembered.

Marion was humble. She was quick to ask forgiveness. I too experienced this quality in her personally. It marked me.

Three significant lessons stand out to me from our last few years. Marion was then a widow and living in a senior living apartment. I always loved our time together.

1. Marion was generous. She often invited me to share lunch with her in the lovely dining room looking over Pikes Peak.

She was generous with her time and abilities. When my sister died a few years ago, Marion used her knitting skills to help me make gifts to give to my other sisters and my nieces. Those dishcloths were a reminder of God’s everlasting love with a heart knitted into them.

2. Marion continued to minister. We talked about her returning to the ladies Bible study at our church. Many wanted her to come back. But Marion saw where she was living as her place of ministry. She started a Bible study there with a few of the women. She attended church there. As she ministered where she lived in the past, she continued to minister where she lived. Her time there with her new friends will not be quickly forgotten. The chaplain from the senior living apartments led her memorial service.

3. Marion knew the importance of generations. She spent Tuesday mornings at her computer recording for her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren their heritage. Not only sharing their past, also encouraging them with their legacies. I remember one day her showing me her desk and computer where she typed every Tuesday. Kind of like Jesus, she not only told me, she showed me.

I am so glad our lives intersected. Her influence has made a difference in who I am and our together stories will continue to influence me. I’m confident that many share this testimony.

“His master said to him [her],
‘Well done, good and faithful servant [and my friend] …
Enter into the joy of your master.'”
Matthew 25:21 (bolding mine)

 

Copyright: Sue Tell, October 2021