I was stomping around the kitchen and complaining loudly.  I was not happy and anyone who was in our home knew it.  My husband was standing near and letting me vent.  Finally I looked at him and challenged, “Do you even believe I love Jesus?”
He stretched out his arms to me, took me in his embrace, smiled down on me and gently said, “Of course I do!”  His love broke through my childish behavior and re-affirmed to me my real identity.

In that moment, I not only melted, but I learned a huge lesson about love, my husband’s love and God’s love.  To this day I do not remember what I was so angry about, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the depth of the love I experienced in that anger.

God through Bill accepted me right where I was that day.  He allowed me to be.  In that acceptance I realized what was really important.  My perspective returned.  I felt rescued.  I felt delighted in.  My behavior that afternoon was not a reflection of who God created me to be, my true identity.  It was a bad reaction to a frustrating situation.  But I was still a saint … a saint who was sinning at the moment, but still a saint.  The love I experienced in that moment allowed truth to flow to me.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else (even my stomping around the kitchen in anger) in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38,39

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

I grew up believing that I was not good enough.  I had plenty of evidence to support it.  From not being invited to the elite Girl Scout camp in junior high to trying out for the color guard in high school and not making the cut and into college and my adult years, circumstances led me to believe the lie that I was not good enough.  It was very hurtful, but I knew nothing else.

During my college years I was introduced to reading and studying the Scriptures in a new way, as if they were a personal message from God to me.  I remember hearing John 1:12 and learning that I was a child of God.  I was part of the family.  Christianity was about a relationship, not just a religion.  And Psalm 139 said I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  WOW!

These were great thoughts.  They were true thoughts.  I loved what they conveyed.  But they didn’t touch that BIG lie that I was so trained to believe, I am not good enough.  Actually for many years I didn’t even think that there was a connection between their truth and my lie.

About ten years ago all that began to change.  Transformation began as I learned to TRUST that truth!  When I realized that God was speaking the truths of His Word to me to change my life, something began to happen.  My default was slowly becoming, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and other Scriptures that speak of God’s picture of me.

Every morning one of my prayers became, “God what would it look like for me to trust this truth today?”  … to live like I really believe it?  The lie was beginning to slip away.  God was doing something and it was “very good”.

But there was the shadow side.  As I was learning to believe that I am good enough … after all I am God’s creation and part of His family, there were contexts where I knew I was good enough.  I had a contribution to make and I was blessing those I was involved with.  Ahhhh, do you hear the pride?

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”.  I experienced God’s faithfulness to me as He exposed my proud heart to me.  It all began one spring when I volunteered to be involved in one of those contexts where I knew I was good enough.  I was flabbergasted when my offer was turned down!  I was hurt.  I was embarrassed.  It was their problem, or so I thought.

Light dawned slowly over the next years as I pondered that situation.  I began to realize that this was the other side of the same issue.  In situations where I was feeling I was good enough, I began to realize that this too was a trust issue.  I was trusting in myself for my ministry; I was trusting in my gifting; I was trusting in my training.

Just as I need to trust God for who He created me to be, I also need to trust God for how I live out that creation, trust applied to ministry as well as my personal life.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”   Proverbs 3:5,6

Affirmation is about who a person is.
Compliments are about what a person does.

Recently I attended a two-day conference where we were asked to do an affirmation exercise.  We were divided into groups of two and given of list of over 150 affirming words.  We were asked to circle all the words that would affirm our partner and then choose five to verbally share with stories to back up our choices.

I experienced three big lessons about affirmation that day.

Jay* was my partner.  Jay and I have a fairly new friendship.  We met only three months ago.  There are many of those new friendship details that I don’t know about her.  But, I found it easy to affirm her.  What a delight.  First affirmation lesson, I don’t need to know a person well to affirm them.

Later in the day on one of our breaks I was visiting with a young wife.  Her words were, “my husband is not good at affirming me”.  I felt sad that that was her experience.  And I also wondered if she was missing some of her husband’s affirming ways.

I have experienced words of affirmation voiced by my husband Bill at times.  But more often I experience his written words of affirmation.  I love the cards he chooses for me and writes on.  My birthday card from five months ago is still standing on my dresser.  I wish I had saved those early letters he wrote when we were just beginning to know each other.  I need to be more of a romantic!
Second affirmation lesson, affirmation takes many different forms.

A third lesson on affirmation is a hard one.  It also displayed itself during the weekend.  Another friend was sharing about her experience with the affirmation exercise over a meal.  The affirming words had ignited her shame.  She shared when her friend affirmed her artistic bent, she heard that as “I’m not organized”.  Every word used to affirm her, she had a “not” for.

I do that too sometimes.  Many times others have recognized my strength in hospitality.  Often I have put that down with this sentence, “No big deal, that’s easy for me”.  How dishonoring to God who created me hospitable and who is delighted when I use my home to minister to others.  Third affirmation lesson, even a positive thing like affirmation can ignite shame and feelings of unworthiness.

I enjoy affirmation.  I need affirmation to help me live out who God created me to be.  God is the ultimate affirmer.  Because I desire to grow in godliness, I need to grow in affirming the good things I see in others.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well”.  Psalm 139:14

This afternoon as I sat enjoying a cup of coffee with my neighbor, God whispered in my ear … “Sue, I have more to teach you”.  Sandra* was telling me about times when she has heard the whisper of God.  I wanted to encourage her.  I wanted to share a verse with her.  I wanted to correct her understanding of OT history.  I wanted to talk!

A few weeks ago I was in a conversation with a group of women on the subject of confidentiality.  The specific confidential topic was prayer requests.   It was suggested that when a friend shares a prayer request, my total responsibility is to pray.
***That means not share it with another so they can be involved in praying.
***That means not even come back to her and ask about how it is going.
***That means to not discuss it with others who also heard the request.
The request is her story and I need to let her lead if she wants to bring it up again.

Yikes, that was a new thought for me.  Isn’t it showing concern to ask about the situation?  Isn’t it showing love to let her know I’m remembering to pray?

Letting them lead was just drilled down to a new level for me.

As the conversation continued, it was mentioned that there are times when a follow-up question is appropriate and kind.  But there are also times when the only appropriate thing is prayer.

As I pondered that I realized that this is about trust.  Do I trust that God is big enough and His hearing is sharp enough to not only hear my prayer but also to act?
And do I trust that the Holy Spirit is alive and well in my friend and that they too can hear the voice of God?  My responsibility is to pray and trust.

Letting them lead in any follow-up conversation about the prayer request is one way to love and honor my friend.

Letting them lead is about being silent.  Let their story be their story.  Let their prayer request be their prayer request.  Silence just might be the best encouragement I offer.

I have a feeling my prayer life will never be the same!

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us”.  I John 5:14

God took a Scripture I used to be scared of and made it a favorite, Ephesians 2:10.

“For we are His workmanship” – We … and that includes me … are His (God’s ) work of art.  I understand that the Greek for workmanship is poema.   I am a beautiful poem penned by God.  I am His wonderful creation. But not only me, the word is “we”.  I am a member of a community, a family that has been fashioned by God, knit together individually and corporately into a beautiful tapestry.  There is a belongingness in this phrase that is such a gift.  This is my identity.

“created in Christ Jesus for good works” – My creation has reason.  I am sometimes tempted to ask if the good works I’m involved in are important enough.  And sometimes I have wished that I could be involved in the good works I see others doing.  NOT GOOD!  When God leads me to a good work, it is HIS work for me and it is VERY important.  It is exactly where He needs me to be.  When I take my eyes off God and look at the works of others, I’m learning that that is a major act of Un-trust.  Not good!  This is my purpose.

“which God prepared beforehand” – Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; …”  This is an amazing thought to me.  Although God was speaking these words about the prophet Jeremiah, I believe He was speaking them for me as well. God knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb.  And with that knowledge before I was even born God consecrated me.  He had dibs on my life before I was introduced to my earthly family.  WOW!  This is my security.

“that we should walk in them” – We should walk – not run.  How often I am tempted to think it needs to be done now.  I need to invite them for dinner this week.  I need to call her today.  I am so tempted to run.  The urgency can be overwhelming and tiring and not necessary or good.  If indeed these are God’s good works that He prepared for me to do and if He is asking me to walk, I will trust and walk.  This is my pace.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, …” Jeremiah 29:11

My first memories of being discontent are from my single days.  I don’t remember the specific issues, but I clearly remember thinking the marriage would solve my discontentment – wrong!  I brought my discontentment with me into our marriage.  Ugh!

Scriptures like I Timothy 6:6, “Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment” and Hebrews 13:5, “…and be content with what you have …” were a source of great frustration for me.  I wanted to experience the truth of those verses but it eluded me.

The source of my discontentment was not things.  I was well cared for in that arena.  My brand of discontentment came from my frustration that I thought I was not as godly as some of my friends.  I didn’t get the opportunities others had.  I was seldom asked to speak.  I thought those public-type things were the key to significance, the sign that I had something to offer.  Because those were seldom my contributions, I was frustrated and discontent.  To make matters worse my discontentment came from comparing!  Now, I was feeling doubly bad.  I’m not only discontent, I’m also comparing.

But I had hope, I thought.  Thinking I knew the keys to growing as a believer, I memorized verses on contentment; I did Bible studies on contentment; I even prepared and presented devotionals on contentment.  But my discontentment continued.  All those good and right things didn’t touch my issue.  I was adding the good things to the top of my bad issues.  I was treating the symptoms and not the disease.  My hope was leaking.

The bottom fell out in the fall of 1997.  I was sitting in a large group meeting and another woman was on the platform.  I was mad!!! Why didn’t I have the opportunities she had?  I made a significant decision that night.  I GAVE UP!  My plan was from then on I would put on a happy-looking mask and pretend that all was ok; that I didn’t care.  In one way, it was the wrong decision. It was like taking the good desires God had created me to have and freezing them.  But it also was my first step in the right direction – although I didn’t realize it at the time.  By my giving up, I was admitting I could do NOTHING about this issue.

I lived with my mask for over 2 years.  I thought my happy mask was protecting me and fooling others.  Neither was happening and I continued to hurt.

Because the mask didn’t allow me to see clearly, my hearing was sharpened.  I began to hear God’s voice. That was the beginning of my second significant step.

With the help of a godly counselor, I began to hear God’s personal message to me.  It spoke of how much God loved me and of the purpose He had for me.  As I meditated on those truths over the years, my contentment issue (or lack thereof) began to disappear!  One day I realized I hadn’t even thought about contentment in a long time.  Transformation was happening.  It felt so good.

“God not only loves you very much, He has His hand on you for something special … something happened IN you, your life is echoing The Masters words”.
I Thessalonians 1, The Message.

The first time I had this thought, I was sitting in a canoe in the middle of a quiet lake.  For someone who usually has a do-list going, this was an amazing revelation.  It’s ok to be quiet.  It’s ok to sit, enjoy and listen.  It actually felt really really good.  J

Since then I have had a growing appreciation of those moments of quiet and listening to God.  Not only do I appreciate them, I NEED them.  They bring life into perspective for me.  For example,

It was mid-August.  Vacation was starting on Friday.  It was an unusually full week for both Bill and I.  And we were both tired. It was one of those weeks where it was easy to misunderstand each other.  That happened.  The misunderstanding led to hurt on my part.  Not good.  I “stuffed it” and continued to pack.

Thankfully vacation for us has become to be defined by quiet mornings alone.  This time we were camping in the mountains of Colorado.  The weather was wonderful.  It created the perfect atmosphere for our mornings of quiet and listening.   My hurt evaporated as I sat enjoying the quiet, enjoying God and listening for His voice.

I’m an extrovert and sitting quietly alone doesn’t seem very extrovert-ish to me.  But I’m learning that not only do I “enjoy” these times of quiet, I NEED them!

I need time to reflect, to ponder.  These are not only times of solving my issues … although that is good.  It is out of these times that I’ve come to realize who God created me to be.  I’ve listened to the desires He has put in my own heart.  I begin to get it, to understand life.  My journey makes more sense to me.  I leave these times not only rested, but also refreshed and motivated.

“O God, Teach us to see you and reveal yourself to us when we see you.” Ambrose of Milan
“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

For many years I have prayed that I would love women well. Then I started thinking about what that would look like to love women well. I realized that when I tried to love everyone the same … kind of the way I would want to be loved … it led to frustrated relationships. Not good!

Rebecca* and I had been friends for over 30 years. I truly wanted to love her well. We are very different. And our differences could be irritating to me. I’m thankful that Rebecca taught me about loving well.

Big lesson #1 – Accept where they are and meet them on their ground. When I would extend love to Rebecca in ways she appreciated, I learned about loving well.

Big lesson #2 – Hang in there with them. Virginia* is teaching me this lesson. I can’t will my friends to be further along on their spiritual journeys than they are. In the Scriptures, I see many references about walking with God. I need to walk with God with my friends and not ask that they run.

Big lesson #3 – Loving well is to trust God with our relationship. I don’t need to create opportunities to relate. God will open the doors through my friends. I’m thankful this is happening with Pamela*. This is another application for me on letting them lead (October 7 blog post).

Big lesson #4 – What is important to them becomes important to me. To be honest, I really don’t want to hike to that pond. But my friend, Charlotte* does. And she has invited me along. I do want to love her well. I would love to see her in the Kingdom.

“We should a guest love while he loves to stay and when he likes not – give him loving way.” William Jackson Palmer’s inscription on the entrance to his castle in Colorado Springs, Glen Eyrie.

“And this is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and discernment”. Philippians 1:9

*Names have been changed to protect privacy.

The first time this thought came to mind was last spring as my friend, Trisha, was telling me a story about a younger woman who came to her asking for some spiritual guidance. Trisha encouraged her to go to the local Christian bookstore and pick out something she would enjoy reading with Trisha. In other words, Trisha let her pick the curriculum.

What a concept, the student leading the teacher. Trisha trusted the Spirit of God in her younger friend. How affirming!

I’ve been trying to put that into practice with the opportunities that God opens up for me. Let them lead. To be honest, that doesn’t come naturally to me. But I’m experiencing it’s wisdom.

Sometimes a friend will open the door wide and invite me to be the “older woman”. But not often. Most of the time they open the door a crack and peer in. I’m invited to lunch. We become Facebook friends. It’s a baby step in a relationship. I wonder if they’re trying to determine if I’m safe. And sometimes I think they don’t know what they’re seeking as they crack open the door.

I’m learning that if I push open that cracked door, I’m running ahead of God and where He has our relationship. It can set the friendship back. When a friend “cracks” the door, I need to peer through the crack and offer crack-sized love. As our friendship grows and the door cracks open a bit wider, and trust is being established, I can offer more love to my friend. But she controls the door. I need to let her lead.

I call this my Crack Ministry.

“And this is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and discernment.” Philippians 1:9

I have always had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that both these concepts can describe one person.

Now, unadorned I get. That’s me. I don’t wear a special uniform. I don’t have a job title that communicates significance. I don’t carry a specter. I’m just me … unadorned, ordinary.

Unfortunately the truth in the previous paragraph, however, led me to believe an untruth.
If I’m unadorned and ordinary, I will not have a significant contribution in God’s Kingdom.

I believed that untruth until God began teaching me how He defines, “significant”. What an eye-opener. I learned things like:
… I chose you and appointed you to bear fruit …
… the righteous flourish … grow … bear fruit …
… called by His name … created for His glory …

Knowing truth didn’t change my belief system. … at least not right away. The truth needed to become part of the fabric of who I am. That happened slowly … but surely … as I prayed over the truths above asking God to make them believable to me.

Two summers ago I was celebrating with friends who had just been given a “significant” ministry role. As several of us gathered around to pray for them, another friend anointed them with oil. But he didn’t only anoint my friends; we were all anointed with oil. We all received this symbol of consecration.

As I remembered that occasion recently, God spoke gently to me saying, “Sue you may not have a title, but you are anointed. You are set aside for a special and significant role in My Kingdom.”

“We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives.”
II Corinthians 4:7, The Message