I met my new friend in our knitting group. Sitting next to her on Tuesday mornings, we soon learned that we had more in common besides creating with yarn; although that was what fueled our friendship.

Another commonality we discovered was we both attempted to read through the Bible in a year.  Neither of us had been successful.  But in that conversation, she had my attention.  She was knocking on the door of my heart; journeying with friends pursuing God excites me.  I love ministry to women.

We began discussing reading the Bible together and inviting others to join us.  She talked about getting a program for us to follow.  I am all there ~ except for that little twinge in my heart that I didn’t understand.  Why was I hesitating?

The easiest answer was time.  Did I really have time to add another regular event to my calendar?  Probably not, but I knew that was the easy answer, not the real answer.

Trust was the real answer.

• Did I trust God enough to work in her life even if I didn’t read the Bible with her?
• Did I trust that little twinge ~ that it might be God’s voice to me?
• Did I trust that our friendship was not based on having the Bible between us?
• Did I trust that knitting together could lead to truth being shared?

In the end, she pulled the plug.  She thought if we were going to read the Bible together, we should really have a “professional” leading us.  I smiled.  God led through her decision and I was at peace.

In his book, Ruthless Trust, Brennan Manning suggests that the faith that animates the Christian community is less in believing the existence of God and more in the practical trust of His care no matter what the circumstances.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, …”
Ephesians 3:20

It is a bookmark. But not any bookmark, it is fashioned like a glove and neatly fits over the corner of my page.  I never saw one like it before.  And I am enjoying it a lot.

It’s not just that I’m enjoying a folded piece of paper and the value it offers me; the best part of the gift relates to the giver – my friend.  My new bookmark communicates to me more significant realities – realities that go beyond the gift itself.

We know each other through church.  I was delighted, surprised, and honored to receive a birthday card from her; and I was even more delighted, surprised, and honored that the gift of the bookmark was tucked inside.  Thank you, my friend.

Time – a very precious commodity – was given to me in that gift.  She used this precious commodity for my benefit.  Both in the making of the bookmark and in the writing and mailing of the card, she invested time.  Thank you again.

Talents and gifts were incorporated in my gift.  Her creative genes shine as she works with the lovely paper to form the bookmark.  Thank you, God, for giving her these talents.

It was a small gift (it could be mailed in an envelope with a $.44 stamp) that spoke volumes to me.  It challenged me to be more generous with the talents God has given me, especially with my knitting.  I wonder if my friend has a stash of these bookmarks ready to give away.  So often I think of a gift when the need arises; I’m not ready ahead of time.

I’m not even sure if my friend knows that I love to read.  I do; I usually have two or three books going at once.  A bookmark is a very practical gift for me.  I bet God whispered in her ear, Sue would really enjoy a bookmark.  I know she listens to God.

I plan to copy her pattern and make more of these bookmarks.  Thanks for the idea, my friend.

With her gift to me, she is living out who God created her to be and in the process she blessed my socks off!  Isn’t that so often the way it works?!

“His (her) master said to him (her), ‘Well done, good and faithful servant….”
Matthew 25:21

Although the details elude me, the bottom line amplifies the connection between boasting and contentment.  Another ah-ha moment for me.

Those high school years, those years when acceptance or rejection communicates worth, are the setting for my memory.  In the short time of a month, not only my name but my picture made our local newspaper ~ all for good reasons, reasons that I could boast about.  In my mind, those pictures proved I had worth and camouflaged the insecure me.  I cut out the pictures and showed them to friends and family – I boasted.  For a short time, I was content.  It felt good.

But the good feeling soon shifted back to reality.  The pictures were forgotten; my worth reverted back to tenuous; and reality validated my thoughts about me.  I was not good enough!  And definitely not content.

My boasting and my contentment centered on a costume – something I donned for a short time in order to play a part; it was never the real me.  The newspaper pictures were not boasting about me; they were boasting about the costume I wore, the part I was playing.  Back then, I didn’t get it.  The connection was faulty.

II Corinthians 12, Paul’s testimony includes this ~  “… I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses …”  Whoa!  My boasting centered on perceived strengths; those things that were noticed and applauded by others; weaknesses were something to hide.  Paul says the opposite!

And as if to add insult to injury, not only does Paul set an example of boasting in his weaknesses, he goes on to say, he is content with weaknesses!  Content – at home with, ok with – with that which was weak.  Other versions of the Bible translate content as takes pleasure in.  That amplifies contentment – sets the bar even higher.

Boasting, contentment, taking pleasure in weakness.  That’s a vulnerable life!  He is vulnerable before the Lord and all who read his words.  And in his vulnerability with his weaknesses he is hearing that God’s grace is enough; he is experiencing the power of Christ resting on him; and he is learning that “when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I am beginning to experience these truths.  I am learning that it’s not what is printed on my business card that opens doors of ministry for me; it’s my life resplendent with all its weaknesses that gives courage to others.  And that’s ok.  I’m content … most days.  I’m understanding the connection.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belong to God and not to us.”
II Corinthians 4:7
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
II Corinthians 12:9

She desperately desired like-hearted friends; friends with whom she could be vulnerable and they wouldn’t run in fear.  But they seemed non-existent.  Maybe I’m too wounded was the only explanation that made sense to her.

Our friendship was rather new – and long-distance – but we knew each other well enough to know we were on the same page.  I heard her sadness.  I shared her desire.

And I looked up to her.  She seemed to have lots of friends.  She seemed so wise and so spiritual with the quotes she posted.  I longed to know her better.  (Can you tell that our communication was mainly through Facebook?)

Then those words, maybe I’m too wounded spilled out.  Something was different.  Something very personal was shared; something very vulnerable.  She cracked the door of her heart.  It was a turning point.

Several states away sitting in my home, I too desired those like-hearted friends.  Sure, I had plenty of friends, but who really understood my heart and me theirs?

I phoned my new and long-distance friend.  We talked.  We shared.  We understood.  We hung up closer friends than before I dialed.  And we learned some stuff:  like-hearted friends don’t have to live in the same town, vulnerability aides friendships, knowing who someone is is far more friendship building than knowing about someone.  We hung up encouraged.

“And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.”
Genesis 2:25

As I was resting on our new hammock, enjoying the blue sky and the white fluffy clouds through the branches of the old Ponderosa Pine Tree last weekend, I was contemplating the beauty of the evergreen even though several of the lowest branches were dead.

That tree pictures life for me.  I’m growing.  I’m green.  And there are also traits about me that are non-productive, but they are still there.  Yuck!  I wish they weren’t.

The next day in the same hammock, the dead branches were not as obvious.  The angle of the sun created a different picture.  Those bare brown branches were more a part of the whole gracefully merging into the full of life green branches above.

I’m thinking that there will probably always be traits of me that I don’t like; I wish they were not a part of me.  But they are.  Could it be that those are the things that make me more dependent on my Maker?  Could it be that being vulnerable with those things is what will encourage my friends on their journeys?  Could it be that those dead weaker branches are a source of strength?  Hmmmmm.

My mind shifts to the Apostle Paul and his thorn in the flesh.  I grab my Bible and looked up the passage in II Corinthians 12.  I was reminded that according to Paul, the purpose of his thorn was to keep him from becoming conceited.  Definitely a good thing.

But that good purpose didn’t stop Paul from pleading with God to take away that thorn.  God’s answer is familiar, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.  II Corinthians 12:9

So Paul concluded:  “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses … I am content with weaknesses …”  parts of II Corinthians 12:9,10

Paul’s second conclusion is what stops me in my tracks.  He is content with weaknesses; with dead branches.  My immediate question, how can that be, is quickly answered, “so that the power of Christ may rest upon me … for when I am weak then I am strong.”  Again, parts of verses 9 and 10

So now I’m forced to ask, do I want the power of Christ to rest on me?  YES!  Then I must believe that those dead branches, those thorns in my life have the fingerprints of God all over them.  I, like Paul, can be content with weaknesses.  I’m working on that one.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Revelation 21:4

You may want to read some of my additional thoughts on contentment from my 10/25/10 post.

In some ways Moses reminds me of me.  That is a good thing ~ mostly.

• He knows his identity.  I know mine.
• He cares for his people.  I care for our family.
• He initiates.  I initiate.  We both assume we can help.
• He is misunderstood.  Sometimes I am too.
• He hears from God.  I do too ~ some days.

The account of Stephen’s speech in Acts 7 reminding me of the history of Israel stopped me in my tracks when I came to the part about Moses.

Since infancy Moses was brought up in Pharaoh’s household.  He “was instructed in all the wisdom of the Egyptians,” Acts 7:22.  Yet he knew he was an Israelite, one of the children of God.  That identity evoked in him a heart for his people, his family of origin.  That is a good thing.

That identity springs him into action on a visit to his brothers.  When he observes one of his brothers being wronged, Moses quickly takes control.  And therein lies the problem.  “He supposed that his brothers would understand that God was giving them salvation by his hand, but they did not understand.”  Acts 7:25.    Big lesson ~ ministry does not come from role or position or family of origin.

I get that.  I too suppose that my words or my actions are exactly what are needed and so I initiate.  Wrong!  I’m learning, just because I’m her sister or her cousin or her friend or her leader does not mean that my good intentions (my ministry) will be understood and appreciated.  Arrrgh!

Big lesson #2 ~ ministry is not on my timetable.  Arrrgh again!  Forty years later, when Moses is 80 years old, Moses hears from God at the burning bush.  He is amazed; he trembles; he is afraid to look AND he draws near.  “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8.  It was a holy moment.  God initiates.  Moses listens.

When God initiates, ministry happens.  Big lesson #3 ~ ministry is a result of listening to God and trusting His words.  I love Acts 7:35 and 36, “This Moses, whom they rejected … this man God sent… This man led them out …”.  God gave Moses his heart for his people.  God honored Moses’ desire for them.  Moses just had to listen to God and follow His initiating.  And he does so for the next forty years!  Ministry happened.

Big lesson #4 ~ when God leads, God enables.  It doesn’t matter if you’re 120 years old!  This is encouraging.  I’m not 120, but I am a gramma!  Not only does He enable, He is “able to do far more abundantly …!” Ephesians 3:20.

Big lessons #2 and 3 is where I am living right now.  I’m learning to draw near and listen.  I’m learning to trust.  For an initiator like me, these are big lessons.  What about you?

“They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green,”
Psalm 92:14

Asking myself questions helps me to tune into what God might be saying to me.  The questions came fast as I thought about Psalm 23 the last several weeks.  I’m still pondering and these are some that are helping me ponder.

• Am I trusting today that the Lord is my shepherd?
• Am I looking around to others to get my needs met or to the Lord who is my shepherd?
• Do I trust the order of Psalm 23 that when I need the green pastures, then my next need is the still waters AND ONLY THEN the paths of righteousness?
• If I would insert myself into Psalm 23, where would I be … in the green pastures; beside the still waters; experiencing His leading in the paths of righteousness; experiencing His rod and staff; at the table; etc?
• OK, when I know where I am.  Can I discern the next step?
• What do the green pastures and/or the still waters look like for me?
• Is my soul in a place of restoration?
• Am I trusting that the hard things in my life right now are not affecting His paths of righteousness for me?
• Can other people answer these questions for me?

I think I know the answer to that last question.  Sometimes, but not often.   My gut feeling is most of the time I need to answer them for myself.  And I’m working on that.

What helps you ponder the truths of Scripture?

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, it will be opened. … how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”
Matthew 7:7 – 11

In the benediction at the end of our church services, one of our former pastors always used to repeat the big truths of his sermon.  It was so helpful.  David does that in this Psalm.  His benediction starting with “Surely goodness and mercy …” in verse six is the result of our Lord being our shepherd which is how he started in verse one.

Psalm 23 has come full circle.  The truth at the beginning is re-phrased at the end.  Because the Lord is my shepherd, I have everything I need.

* He knows me intimately.  He knows when I need to stop and lie down and enjoy the beauty around me.
* He knows how to restore me when I am depleted.
* He leads me on my journey.  Sometimes I don’t understand the paths He chooses.  But I can trust them    because they are ultimately for His glory.
* He walks with me through the valleys of life.  I love the picture of footprints in the sand.  At first there are two sets of footprints beside each other.  Then there is only one set.  When questioned about that, the Lord says, “That’s when I picked you up and carried you.”  Sometimes life is so heavy I need to be carried.
* He uses all the best equipment for my benefit.  His rod is to protect me.  His staff is there when I need something extra to lean on.
* He celebrates me as if I am his guest even in the midst of enemies.  He anoints my head with oil.  I have only been anointed with oil once.  It was very significant.  It communicated to me God’s good plan for me.

Because of all this, I can have confidence that goodness and mercy are following me and I am dwelling in the house of the Lord forever, for now and eternity.  This is the bow on the package that is filled with the shepherd’s good gifts for me.

Dwelling ~ I love that word.  Another psalmist uses the word dwell and says, “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the Lord, My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”  Psalm 91:1and 2.  In my mind, these two verses are a wonderful summary of Psalm 23.  Dwell is restated as abiding.  I’m abiding the God’s shadow.  God is a refuge and a fortress and trustworthy.

Trusting again is the key.  Trusting for me comes alive in my prayer life.  And when life is so hard I can’t pray, trusting is asking a friend to walk with me and pray for me.

“Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life.
I’m back home in the house of God for the rest of my life.”
Psalm 23:6, The Message

Within the last few weeks, Steve’s grandmother died, Sandy’s mom died, the full-term grand-daughter of another friend was still-born, and the 35 year old nephew of still another good friend was found dead.  These friends are walking through the valley of the reality of death.  I’m walking with them.

And all deaths are not physical.  Our son experienced the death of his job this past winter.  Other friends are living with the death of their plans to be agricultural missionaries as their young daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia last week.  Another friend is experiencing the death of his dream to play football his senior year of college because he broke his foot.  It was also the death of his summer job.  And the list goes on.

Life is full of death.  Hard things, really hard things.

“He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name sake.  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”  Then David says an amazing thing, “…I will fear no evil.   How can he say that?  How can he believe that?

He can say that and post it for all of us to be encouraged by because he trusts who God says He is and what God is doing in and for him.

• He believes that God is with him even though he is walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  He knows God is omnipresent. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;” .  David trusts the God who says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;”.  Isaiah 43:2a.  Even in the valley, I am not alone.
• David knows that his shepherd carries a rod and a staff.  And that is a comfort to him.  The rod is a rod of protection.  It could be used to protect the sheep from other predators.  Or at times it could be used to protect the sheep from themselves.  The staff provides support.  Like a modern day cane, the staff is there to provide the support needed to help the shepherd traverse the rough terrain.  Another Psalmist declares, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”  Psalm 46:1
• David also knows that the hard things, those things that can appear as enemies are powerless to prevent him from enjoying God’s good provision for him.  “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies…” Psalm 23:5  I’ve heard it said “every cloud has a silver lining”.  It sounds trite, but I think it’s true.  Even though David never read Paul’s words, in his heart he knew, “And we know that for those who love God all things word together for good, …” Romans 8:28a
• Lastly, he believes these truths because he knows God personally.  In the beginning of this Psalm David refers to God in the third person, “he”.  But when he passes the “even though” and life is really hard, God is referred to as “you”.  David has a personal relationship with God and it is especially personal in the hard times.  “… you are with me; your rod and your staff; …You prepare a table …you anoint my head with oil; …”

But the rub is the timing.  When will I experience the truth of Romans 8:28 when I’m in the midst of the valleys?  I wonder if the people from Jerusalem who were being held captive in Babylon wondered the same thing.  Part of their story is recorded in Jeremiah 29.  For me, I have to remember three things:

• I have to keep reviewing the truths of Scripture even though sometimes they are hard to believe.  I often find myself praying, “I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24
• I have to keep reminding myself that I don’t have the big picture.  God does.
• Sometimes when I’m in the midst of a hard thing, I find it difficult to pray.  I’m thankful for friends I can call on who will pray for me and for the situation.

“Even when the way goes through Death Valley,
I’m not afraid when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure.
You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing.”
Psalm 23:4 and 5, The Message

To be continued

For the second time in the first three verses of this Psalm, David uses the word, leads.  The first leading came before “He restores my soul”.  This leading comes after.  I think the order is significant.

The first leading is by still waters.  This leading is an inner leading.  It ministers to me, to my soul.  I don’t think of it as a directional leading rather a spiritual leading.  I hear God’s word speaking to my heart.

The second leading is in “paths of righteousness”.  This leading gives direction and moral guidance.  I think of God whispering, “your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, this is the way, walk in it”.  Isaiah 30:21.

I find it interesting that the word “paths” is plural.  There must be more than one possible path of righteousness.  One commentator suggested that this means that some paths lead down and some lead up. That would be easy for me to illustrate with stories from my life and the lives of my friends.

This was a very hard path for me.  I was engaged and had asked two girlfriends to be bridesmaids.  They said yes ~ at first.  Then they backed out.  I was very hurt. And our friendship was damaged as well. But that very hard path led to a wonderful path.  It took a few years, but God allowed those relationships to be healed.  My friendship with those girls today is more special because of the hard path we traveled together.  The healing path was definitely a path leading up.

So was the down path a path of righteousness?  It certainly did not seem so at the time.  However if it wasn’t for the down path, the up path would not have happened and that path was a path of righteousness.  The two were connected.

And the paths of righteousness are not about me. My friendship with my friends now is a bonus.  The paths are for “His name sake.”  They are designed to lift God up, to honor Him.  God is definitely honored in the reconciliation of His children.  And my friends and I are able to display His glory because we followed His paths.

“True to your word,
You let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction.”
Psalm 23:3, The Message

To be continued