Mary had just experienced an amazing encounter with an angel.  The angel, Gabriel, had communicated to her that she had found favor with god, would become pregnant by the Holy Spirit and her child is the Son of God.  After a few questions, Mary humbly surrendered to Gabriel’s message and Gabriel departed.  I love that Gabriel stayed with her until Mary was able to embrace his message.

About ten years ago, Bill and I were involved in a marriage counseling intensive.  I remember the first day the counselor saying to us “We don’t know how long the intensive will last, maybe one week, maybe two, maybe a month.  But we will both know when the intensive has done its work”. He was right.  We both knew.  (It was 2 weeks.)  Our counselor stayed with us until we had embraced his message.  Gabriel stayed with Mary until she had embraced his message.  I want to be like that for my friends too.

The next thing recorded for us is that Mary went with haste to visit her relative (cousin?) Elizabeth.  Elizabeth was much older than Mary and in her sixth month of pregnancy.  Oh how I identify with Mary at this point.  Having a conversation with an angel must be quite wonderful, but sharing with someone with skin on is so helpful.  Their family relationship gave them a special bond.  Their supernatural pregnancies gave them a special bond.  Their faith in God gave them a special bond.  And I wonder if like me, sometimes Mary needed to process externally.  What a gift Elizabeth was to Mary.

Elizabeth was there.  Elizabeth was available.  Elizabeth was affirming!  Affirmation is a wonderfully powerful gift.  Elizabeth first affirmed Mary’s identity, “Blessed are YOU”.  Gabriel said, “O favored one”.  I am blessed because of my relationship with God.  That blessing speaks of who I was created to be not what I was created to do.  Secondly Elizabeth affirmed that Mary’s baby is also blessed.  Gabriel named the baby Jesus and called him the Son of God.  Jesus is the fruit of Mary’s womb. For Mary, carrying Jesus was living out who God created her to be.  Lastly Elizabeth affirmed Mary’s surrender to God.  Elizabeth voiced to Mary her faith, “blessed is she who believed”.  Gabriel affirmed it by departing from her.  Elizabeth affirmed it with words.

There is something very special about woman-to-woman affirmation.  God used Elizabeth significantly in Mary’s life.  Mary’s Song of Praise, known as the Magnificat is recorded after her time with Elizabeth, not Gabriel.  And in the process, Elizabeth was also blessed.  When Elizabeth greeted Mary, the baby Elizabeth was carrying leaped for joy.  Elizabeth had been hiding her pregnancy for five months.  Was she embarrassed because of her age?  Was she fearful of a miscarriage?  Was it too good to be true?  Did she just want time to savor it with Zechariah?  I don’t know.  But I do know that when Elizabeth affirmed Mary, Elizabeth was also set free to enjoy her pregnancy publicly.  I bet they had a lot of special conversations over the next three months as Mary continued to stay with Elizabeth.

My prayer is, “God, would you please use me like you used Elizabeth to be an instrument of affirmation to the women around me.  Thank you.”

“Blessed is she who believed …”  Luke 1:45

I enjoy changing the décor in our home with the seasons.  The basic furniture stays the same, but it’s adornment changes.

It’s the same way with my time with God.  The basics are the same:  my Bible, my journals, a good book or two that have been ministering to me.  But what I focus on changes.  So with the beginning of Advent, my Word time this year is centering on Mary, the mother of Jesus.  What a gift that her story has been recorded for us!

Mary doesn’t yet know that her cousin Elizabeth is pregnant when she is visited by the angel Gabriel with his amazing message.  “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you”. The Bible records that Mary was greatly troubled at the saying.  Gabriel has not said anything to Mary about being pregnant with Jesus yet.  He has just spoken something about her identity and Mary is greatly troubled.  The identity Gabriel gives her speaks of God’s love for her.  I bet Mary was more in tune with being the beloved of Joseph, the soon-to-be bride than being the favored one of God.

My culture has so programmed my identity for me that I too can wonder when someone speaks to me using God’s identity markers for me.  I’m sometimes more in tune with being “the basket lady” rather than the beloved child of my Heavenly Father.  Or even an identity I love, “Mana” (grandma) can be more real to me than my truest identity.

Mary’s response reminds me that I need to listen well to surprise affirmations as they might be from God!  I’m challenged to approach my friends this Christmas with their God-given identities.

I love Mary’s vulnerability and honesty.  Gabriel continues on with his BIG announcement.  Mary’s first response is a question.  I don’t picture her question as a challenging question but rather a question from what Mary knows is true.  She is a virgin and virgins can’t be pregnant … at least apart from the intervention of God.  Gabriel gently speaks to her wonderings.

This so encourages me.  God is not threatened by my questions.  His answers may not come to me as quickly as Mary’s did but I believe they will come.  Questions are ok.

One other thought and this is a big one for me.  “… you will conceive … and bear a son …”.  Mary is going to bear physical fruit.  My desire is to bear spiritual fruit for God.  These words communicate to me that when I live out of my God-given identity I too will bear fruit. I love Philippians 1:22.  If I go on living out who God created me to be, it will mean fruitful labor for me.  My loose translation.

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares”.  Hebrews 13:2

Sometimes I call them “mental arguments”.  I have a decision to make and I just don’t know which way to go.  Or I’m thinking I really should do something and I really don’t want to do it.
I’m confused or frustrated or worse yet, I’m battling what I think I should be doing.

That happened last week.  The knot was rather large.  I didn’t want to even consider the implications of my decision.

I have three current journals.  One is where I record underlines and quotes from books I read and messages I hear.  The second is my writing journal.  I often think with my pen and my thoughts are recorded in this journal.  The third is a beautiful leather bound journal that Bill gave me for Christmas a year ago.  This is a very special journal to me.  I use it as a prayer journal and I only record the scriptures and other request in it that I pray regularly for me and for those closest to me.  It is also a picture of my spiritual journey.  It is often this journal that I turn to when the knot makes itself known in my stomach.

And so I went to my leather bound journal first last week.  As I once again began to ponder and pray over the Scriptures that God has impressed on my heart over the years, I began to relax.  On the fourth page of that journal I have recorded several lies that I had come to believe about myself over the years as a result of the culture I was brought up in.  Immediately after each lie, I have recorded the truth of what God says about me.  These scriptures have become foundational and timeless for me.  They seem to apply to many of my life situations.  And that was true this time.

As I considered the decision that was causing my knot and as I considered each lie and its corresponding truth recorded in my leather journal, it was obvious to me that making the decision one way was living out of the lies that have defined me for so long.  Making the decision the other way was living out of the truth of who God says I am.  I want to trust God.  I want to live out of the truth of what God says about me.

My decision was made.  The knot is melting as I pray in the light of the truth.

“Do all things … without questioning …that you may be blameless …in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.”  Philippians 2:14

My friend used that descriptor once to explain what she and her husband did when they spent their week in Vail each fall.  Her words were, “sometimes I have to unscrew my big toe and let it all flow out”.

I need to do that too.

In 2003 I wrote in one of my journals, “I need to be more intentional about quiet and solitude”.  Life is busy.  The needs of people are always present.  I love visiting our GRANDS.  I’m an extrovert by design so I love to show up for everything.  But my physical, emotional and spiritual batteries run low and I need to recharge.  That starts with unscrewing my big toe.

Sometimes I call it “sitting and staring”.  I just allow myself to be.  I’m not reading; I’m not writing; I’m not praying.  I don’t think I’m necessarily even waiting, I just am.  I’ve discovered this is good.

Beyond that I’m also discovering that for me to recharge, five ingredients are necessary:  beauty, quiet, reviewing and listening, reading and sometimes writing.

For Christmas last year Bill gave me a deck heater.  Our deck is surrounded by old evergreens.  I love the beauty that is out there and the deck heater allows me to extend the days I can meet with God outside.  When the weather is too cold even for the deck heater my favorite place to meet with God is from an overstuffed chair in our bedroom that faces a sliding glass door that looks out to our deck.  These are places of beauty for me.  There are others, but these are my regulars.

I do enjoy music.  But to recharge, I’ve learned I prefer quiet.  I love listening to the “Sounds of Silence”. I know, that dates me.  The sounds that God has created, like the wind through the trees or water flowing from a nearby creek … or even the small fountain next to our deck are gifts from God to me.

Paul says in Philippians 3:1, “…to write the same things to you again is no trouble for me and is safe for you”.  Reviewing is a safety net for me.  I have favorite scriptures that God has impressed on my heart that I often (sometimes daily) go back to and review, think about and pray over.  There are certain quotes that speak deeply to my heart that I need to hear again and again.  And as I review, I listen.  What might God be saying to me in these circumstances?  David Martin Lloyd Jones has said, “Most of our unhappiness in life is due to the fact that we are listening to self”.  I’ve added and talking to God.  I need to listen to God!  Listening sometimes is even more important than praying.

A big way I listen to God is through reading.  Reading my Bible for sure.  But also reading my journals and reading favorite authors.  I hear God through what He has whispered to me in the past and realize the truth is still true.  I hear God through the writings of others.  My current favorite is Sally Breedlove and her book, Choosing Rest.

Finally sometimes writing helps me to unscrew my big toe.  As I listen to myself through my pen I hear the affirming or the directional or the calming voice of God.  I leave with new perspective and my big toe back in place.

“The Lord is my shepherd …He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters.  He restores my soul…”  Psalm 23:1,2,3

I sell Longaberger baskets.  It’s been a good match for me allowing me to earn a bit of money and to do it around my passion – encouraging women in their walks with God.

Like all good sales companies, Longaberger has a yearly “pep-rally”, better known as a convention.  As consultants we are encouraged and empowered to be the best sales people on planet earth.  Every attendee is given ribbons to hang from their nametag.  Some of the ribbons mark certain achievements.  They have been earned.  Other ribbons are not earned.  They signify which group the consultant is a part of and other un-earned realities.  They want us to feel important.  It usually worked.

At one of the conventions in the late nineties, I was proudly wearing all my ribbons.  They fanned out like an upside down peacock from my nametag flowing down to my waist.  In the hotel elevator one afternoon, a stranger and fellow consultant seeing my many colorful ribbons congratulated me on my “achievements”.  I smiled and “humbly” said, thank you.  I knew I hadn’t earned all those ribbons but it felt good to be noticed.  I kind of liked the identity those ribbons gave me.

Fast forward a few years.  I was talking with a friend and describing my office to him.  My desk faces a wall that was full from top to bottom with framed Longaberger certificates.  The certificates, like the ribbons, were sometimes earned but often represented other true but un-earned realities.  However, anyone else looking at the wall would be impressed.  I guess I was trying to impress myself too.

But that impression was a source of confusion to me.  It was not a picture of my primary identity – the beloved child of God.  It was not a picture of what I was really passionate about – encouraging my friends in their walks with God.  Yes, Longaberger is a part of my life, but it is not the most important part.

My friend asked, “Is that wall encouraging and reminding you of who you really are?”  I knew the answer to his question right away.  I went home and took down the wall … or at least the meaningless framed certificates that hung there.  I left one along with a few decorative pieces.  The one was a reminder of our group’s contribution to the American Cancer Society.

I’ve learned over the years that I need to remind myself regularly of my true identity.  I often review scriptures that speak to that in my devotional times.  This is so life-giving to me.

Yes, Longaberger is still part of my life.  But I have learned to keep it in its rightful place.

“Set your minds on things that are above (and true), not on things that are on earth.”  Colossians 3:2 – parentheses mine.

I was stomping around the kitchen and complaining loudly.  I was not happy and anyone who was in our home knew it.  My husband was standing near and letting me vent.  Finally I looked at him and challenged, “Do you even believe I love Jesus?”
He stretched out his arms to me, took me in his embrace, smiled down on me and gently said, “Of course I do!”  His love broke through my childish behavior and re-affirmed to me my real identity.

In that moment, I not only melted, but I learned a huge lesson about love, my husband’s love and God’s love.  To this day I do not remember what I was so angry about, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget the depth of the love I experienced in that anger.

God through Bill accepted me right where I was that day.  He allowed me to be.  In that acceptance I realized what was really important.  My perspective returned.  I felt rescued.  I felt delighted in.  My behavior that afternoon was not a reflection of who God created me to be, my true identity.  It was a bad reaction to a frustrating situation.  But I was still a saint … a saint who was sinning at the moment, but still a saint.  The love I experienced in that moment allowed truth to flow to me.

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else (even my stomping around the kitchen in anger) in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38,39

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”  Zephaniah 3:17

I grew up believing that I was not good enough.  I had plenty of evidence to support it.  From not being invited to the elite Girl Scout camp in junior high to trying out for the color guard in high school and not making the cut and into college and my adult years, circumstances led me to believe the lie that I was not good enough.  It was very hurtful, but I knew nothing else.

During my college years I was introduced to reading and studying the Scriptures in a new way, as if they were a personal message from God to me.  I remember hearing John 1:12 and learning that I was a child of God.  I was part of the family.  Christianity was about a relationship, not just a religion.  And Psalm 139 said I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  WOW!

These were great thoughts.  They were true thoughts.  I loved what they conveyed.  But they didn’t touch that BIG lie that I was so trained to believe, I am not good enough.  Actually for many years I didn’t even think that there was a connection between their truth and my lie.

About ten years ago all that began to change.  Transformation began as I learned to TRUST that truth!  When I realized that God was speaking the truths of His Word to me to change my life, something began to happen.  My default was slowly becoming, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and other Scriptures that speak of God’s picture of me.

Every morning one of my prayers became, “God what would it look like for me to trust this truth today?”  … to live like I really believe it?  The lie was beginning to slip away.  God was doing something and it was “very good”.

But there was the shadow side.  As I was learning to believe that I am good enough … after all I am God’s creation and part of His family, there were contexts where I knew I was good enough.  I had a contribution to make and I was blessing those I was involved with.  Ahhhh, do you hear the pride?

“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble”.  I experienced God’s faithfulness to me as He exposed my proud heart to me.  It all began one spring when I volunteered to be involved in one of those contexts where I knew I was good enough.  I was flabbergasted when my offer was turned down!  I was hurt.  I was embarrassed.  It was their problem, or so I thought.

Light dawned slowly over the next years as I pondered that situation.  I began to realize that this was the other side of the same issue.  In situations where I was feeling I was good enough, I began to realize that this too was a trust issue.  I was trusting in myself for my ministry; I was trusting in my gifting; I was trusting in my training.

Just as I need to trust God for who He created me to be, I also need to trust God for how I live out that creation, trust applied to ministry as well as my personal life.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”   Proverbs 3:5,6

Affirmation is about who a person is.
Compliments are about what a person does.

Recently I attended a two-day conference where we were asked to do an affirmation exercise.  We were divided into groups of two and given of list of over 150 affirming words.  We were asked to circle all the words that would affirm our partner and then choose five to verbally share with stories to back up our choices.

I experienced three big lessons about affirmation that day.

Jay* was my partner.  Jay and I have a fairly new friendship.  We met only three months ago.  There are many of those new friendship details that I don’t know about her.  But, I found it easy to affirm her.  What a delight.  First affirmation lesson, I don’t need to know a person well to affirm them.

Later in the day on one of our breaks I was visiting with a young wife.  Her words were, “my husband is not good at affirming me”.  I felt sad that that was her experience.  And I also wondered if she was missing some of her husband’s affirming ways.

I have experienced words of affirmation voiced by my husband Bill at times.  But more often I experience his written words of affirmation.  I love the cards he chooses for me and writes on.  My birthday card from five months ago is still standing on my dresser.  I wish I had saved those early letters he wrote when we were just beginning to know each other.  I need to be more of a romantic!
Second affirmation lesson, affirmation takes many different forms.

A third lesson on affirmation is a hard one.  It also displayed itself during the weekend.  Another friend was sharing about her experience with the affirmation exercise over a meal.  The affirming words had ignited her shame.  She shared when her friend affirmed her artistic bent, she heard that as “I’m not organized”.  Every word used to affirm her, she had a “not” for.

I do that too sometimes.  Many times others have recognized my strength in hospitality.  Often I have put that down with this sentence, “No big deal, that’s easy for me”.  How dishonoring to God who created me hospitable and who is delighted when I use my home to minister to others.  Third affirmation lesson, even a positive thing like affirmation can ignite shame and feelings of unworthiness.

I enjoy affirmation.  I need affirmation to help me live out who God created me to be.  God is the ultimate affirmer.  Because I desire to grow in godliness, I need to grow in affirming the good things I see in others.

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well”.  Psalm 139:14

This afternoon as I sat enjoying a cup of coffee with my neighbor, God whispered in my ear … “Sue, I have more to teach you”.  Sandra* was telling me about times when she has heard the whisper of God.  I wanted to encourage her.  I wanted to share a verse with her.  I wanted to correct her understanding of OT history.  I wanted to talk!

A few weeks ago I was in a conversation with a group of women on the subject of confidentiality.  The specific confidential topic was prayer requests.   It was suggested that when a friend shares a prayer request, my total responsibility is to pray.
***That means not share it with another so they can be involved in praying.
***That means not even come back to her and ask about how it is going.
***That means to not discuss it with others who also heard the request.
The request is her story and I need to let her lead if she wants to bring it up again.

Yikes, that was a new thought for me.  Isn’t it showing concern to ask about the situation?  Isn’t it showing love to let her know I’m remembering to pray?

Letting them lead was just drilled down to a new level for me.

As the conversation continued, it was mentioned that there are times when a follow-up question is appropriate and kind.  But there are also times when the only appropriate thing is prayer.

As I pondered that I realized that this is about trust.  Do I trust that God is big enough and His hearing is sharp enough to not only hear my prayer but also to act?
And do I trust that the Holy Spirit is alive and well in my friend and that they too can hear the voice of God?  My responsibility is to pray and trust.

Letting them lead in any follow-up conversation about the prayer request is one way to love and honor my friend.

Letting them lead is about being silent.  Let their story be their story.  Let their prayer request be their prayer request.  Silence just might be the best encouragement I offer.

I have a feeling my prayer life will never be the same!

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us”.  I John 5:14

God took a Scripture I used to be scared of and made it a favorite, Ephesians 2:10.

“For we are His workmanship” – We … and that includes me … are His (God’s ) work of art.  I understand that the Greek for workmanship is poema.   I am a beautiful poem penned by God.  I am His wonderful creation. But not only me, the word is “we”.  I am a member of a community, a family that has been fashioned by God, knit together individually and corporately into a beautiful tapestry.  There is a belongingness in this phrase that is such a gift.  This is my identity.

“created in Christ Jesus for good works” – My creation has reason.  I am sometimes tempted to ask if the good works I’m involved in are important enough.  And sometimes I have wished that I could be involved in the good works I see others doing.  NOT GOOD!  When God leads me to a good work, it is HIS work for me and it is VERY important.  It is exactly where He needs me to be.  When I take my eyes off God and look at the works of others, I’m learning that that is a major act of Un-trust.  Not good!  This is my purpose.

“which God prepared beforehand” – Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; …”  This is an amazing thought to me.  Although God was speaking these words about the prophet Jeremiah, I believe He was speaking them for me as well. God knew me before He formed me in my mother’s womb.  And with that knowledge before I was even born God consecrated me.  He had dibs on my life before I was introduced to my earthly family.  WOW!  This is my security.

“that we should walk in them” – We should walk – not run.  How often I am tempted to think it needs to be done now.  I need to invite them for dinner this week.  I need to call her today.  I am so tempted to run.  The urgency can be overwhelming and tiring and not necessary or good.  If indeed these are God’s good works that He prepared for me to do and if He is asking me to walk, I will trust and walk.  This is my pace.

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, …” Jeremiah 29:11