*The phrase, the freedom to feel, came to me at the end of my walk through the woods surrounding our home. Sitting on our bench on the edge of the trees for a moment of quiet before heading back brought it to mind. Quiet always opens space to hear.

Up to a few weeks ago Lexie would have been at my heels or sometimes leading the way. My walk felt very lonely that day. My walks still feel lonely.

It was a turning point.

For most of the week, I’d been holding back the tears. My feelings were tucked safely behind a false veneer. I did what needed to be done.

But sitting on our bench, I began to feel; I began to hear from God; I began to experience grace.

“and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me …”
I Timothy 1:14

I remembered Jesus.

John 1:35, the shortest verse recorded for us, “Jesus wept”. The context tells the story of Mary and Martha after the death of their brother Lazarus.

Jesus wept in the presence of Mary and Martha.
Jesus wept in the presence of other Jews.
Jesus allowed himself the freedom to feel.

I remembered God’s previous words to me.

God knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13.
God loves me with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3.
God reminded me it is with an unveiled face that I reflect his glory. II Corinthians 3:18

I remembered your love.

Your cards, your messages, your emails all offered the freedom to feel. All offered grace. Thank you.

Romans 15:5 and 6 took on new meaning. “May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together with one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Grief and the Freedom to Feel

I can’t compare my grief with yours,
God created us each uniquely.
I can’t compare this grief with former griefs,
This grief is unique, is now.
I can’t compare my grief with those closest to me,
God created each of us uniquely.

Grief is a journey —
filled with sads,
filled with joys,
filled with memories,
offering the freedom to feel.

I’ve been strong and done the next thing.
I’ve been weak, my tears blurring the next.

All is grief.
All is grace.
All invites the freedom to feel.

“a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Ecclesiastes 3:4

*For the back story, scroll down to “Our Sins and Our Sorrows”.

Copyright, Sue Tell, April 2021