I invite a few close friends over for a grown-up, winter tea party, and before they arrive, I rhythmically move around the table arranging crustless sandwiches, lemon bars, scones, and cream. I set out my beloved Noritake gold rimmed plates, teacups, and saucers — our wedding china. I smile remembering all the times I’ve used this china, and I think about how thankful I am to get to love on my friends and myself by using it once again.
The good life is for giving ourselves and others a little attention by enjoying the good things rather than keeping them hidden away.
I set out the porcelain tea bag holders and little stirring spoons. I realize I forgot the water goblets and then, out of the blue, I remember that one friend won’t be joining us. Suddenly, uninvited tears show up before the party.
It’s silly to be crying, really. I mean, this friend didn’t die. We didn’t have a big fight or a dramatic falling out. Our friendship just changed, unfolded into a new season. And that new season has me a little sad because I just miss her.
I stare at the dining room chair at the end of the table and briefly contemplate taping her picture to the seat-back. Or maybe even just leaving one seat empty in her honor? I don’t, of course, because that would be weird. But sometimes we want to give the loss a tangible space to be remembered.
After all, loss is the tagalong companion to love, and it’s impossible for loss not to receive attention alongside the love.
2025 is only a week old, and my heart holds sadness for a friendship that doesn’t look the way it used to. For you, maybe there’s a sadness for the same — or from a different kind of relationship that doesn’t look the way you wish.
As you gingerly walk into the newness of 2025, perhaps you carry old sadness from the previous year’s friendship heartbreak. If that’s true for you, I humbly offer these five truths to ease the changing seasons of friendships:
1. Give yourself time and room to feel sad. Don’t skip over the sadness. Give yourself permission to mourn the loss for an appropriate amount of time. Let it have its time, but don’t let it boss you into believing that God doesn’t care about you or that Jesus has abandoned you because that will never, ever happen. He is with you always (Matthew 28:20)
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2. Don’t assume there’s something wrong with you. When a friendship or other relationship changes, it’s easy to look inward and think, What did I do wrong? While introspection is necessary in gaining self-awareness and apologies are sometimes in order, odds are good the relational change was more about her than you. Instead of looking inward, look upward and assume that for now, God simply wants your attention elsewhere. Trust God with your reputation as well as this situation (Psalm 135:14).
3. Believe God continues to give His best to you and will withhold no good thing from you. This includes people who are best for you (Psalm 84:11).
4. Pray God’s best for your friend. Whatever the particulars behind the changing friendship, let’s remember to represent Jesus well by letting the situation bring out the best in us, not the worst (Luke 6:27-28).
5. Fervently thank God for the friendships you do have. Even if it’s just one friend, and that friend moved five states away. Or even if that friend is the one preoccupied with a new baby or grandbaby or busy with a new job. Thank God for who is present at your table and in your life (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
It takes courage to hold our relationships in upturned palms instead of squeezed in our tight fists. It takes strength to carry yourself with a posture that says, You are welcome to stay here as my friend, but I won’t force it. Some seasons call for staying in a particular friendship. Other seasons call for keeping our distance from someone we’re not called to be in community with—whether that’s our choice or not. In those moments, may we continue to give ourselves a little attention by enjoying the good things — and good people — around us. And may we also see all the ways God gives us gifts that are signs of Love present everywhere.
