Words Amidst the Fray

Words are Powerful, James 3:10

I stood at the end of her hospital bed in the ICU. Other than a therapist, I was the only one in my sister’s room. In her quiet, trembling voice she asked, “Susan, am I dying?” I was possibly the one person she could entrust that question to.

The fray was real; a battle she was losing. I regret my words that morning.

Although true, my words skirted her reality. She knew. She didn’t pursue the conversation. A missed opportunity to offer hope and grace in her waning days.

We bear the image of God and are created to reflect and bring him glory. Speech is one of the things that set up apart from the rest of God’s creation. In that moment, my words didn’t allow my sister to see God’s glory.

During our drive home last month from Kansas, Bill and I were comparing notes sharing about his Zoom call and a text message I had received earlier that morning. Our friends were living their own fray. Their hards took my breath away. They were begging for words, words of hope. For me these words take time. I need to be praying for them. I need to be praying for me. I want my words to send the love of God in their direction. I need to listen to God who knows the words they need.

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.”
Psalm 19:14

“The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer.”
Proverbs 15:28a

Along with a few others, these are scriptures I pray for myself regularly. I often think ahead of the people I’m pretty sure I’ll be offering words to that day from the check-out clerk to friends I know. I pray, may the words of my mouth … I want my words to give grace to those who hear.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,
but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion,
that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:29

A few weeks ago in responding to an email from a neighbor, my words were greatly misconstrued. I could almost feel the darts coming back at me. In times like these, I want to gather my own darts. But would that be acceptable to God? Would that give grace to the neighbor? As I pondered, God helped me choose other words. The darts have ceased.

Sometimes my words are prayer words sent off to God alone.

Four friends are living their own fray of serious cancer. Although I do connect with words they hear, I more often offer prayer words for them and their spouses. I’m thankful that in each case they let me know how to pray well. And a wonderful gift to me are their words. They share the hope they receive. Their words turned back to me minister deeply, build up, give grace. The power of their words give perspective to their circumstances.

When I consider my words, I’m learning to ask these six questions. If I don’t hear a yes, I pull-back.

Are my words true?
Are my words kind?
Are my words helpful?
Are my words necessary?
Have my words been invited?
Is this the right time for my words?